Lili's Journal

My pre-op appointment today went okay I guess. I didn't have another ultrasound as I had hoped, but the doctor felt my belly, and said that the stupid thing GREW!!!! I'm so confused. I had hoped that it would have shrunk, and yet here I am with it getting bigger as time goes on!! Good grief. You wouldn't think it would grow so much that he could actually FEEL it in just a few weeks!! Oh boy. I guess it's good that we are just going ahead with it now, rather than waiting until August or September! Who knows how much it might have grown in that time?

I asked if he could tell me how long we might have to wait to resume TTC, and he said if everything is not too bad, then only about a month. If there is a lot of Endo, then we will probably have to go right into IVF, and money wise it may take us longer than a month to be able to do that. But after they clean everything up, he said it would be best if I could get pregnant within the next 6 months, before anything else happens. Seems ironic to me!!! I would have been pregnant a LONG TIME AGO if I had any say in the matter!!!! Sheesh. If I could just get pregnant when I wanted to, I would have like three kids already! Not still trying. But you can only do your best, and the rest is up to God. I just have to trust that He will give us a baby at the right time, whether that's within the next six months or not. He's got a plan, and I just have to trust Him. I guess it wouldn't really be faith if it was easy, huh? I just have to keep praying for that faith!!

Anyway, thank you to all of you who have been thinking of and praying for me through all of this. I don't know what I would do without you!! Your support means so much to me. I will be thinking of and praying for all of you in my down time in the hospital next week. I'm going to have a lot of that, so it will be time well spent!!! :-)

I wish I had a laptop to bring with me to the hospital so I could keep up with everything and be able to update sooner rather than later. But DH has a new phone that has email and internet on it, so maybe I can post a quick update from that.

I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that all of you will be thinking of and praying for me! I know that will hlep me through this.

As for what I wrote before....my hubby saw me crying last night after I posted this, and was very sweet then. (I swear, sometimes it takes tears to get through to him, but at least it does! :-)) He said he won't go to Seattle for work next week, and will try to be at the hospital as much as possible. He does have some work to do toward the end of the week, and I'm totally fine with that. But he will at least come see me for a while each day, and will hopefully be the one to bring me home. As for family coming to visit....I'm still not sure how that will go. But my oldest sister is really upset that she can't be here to take care of me afterward. It's too bad that all this happened at a time where she just isn't healthy enough to come!! I know she'll be praying for me, and I'll be able to talk to her on the phone. It would be really great to have her at least be able to come for a day or two, even if she didn't "do" anything, but I feel bad for her, because I know she's so upset. If there was any way she could do it, I know she would!

I know ALL our family will be thinking of us and praying for us, even if they can't come in at all. And I know that will probably be hard on them! I know how I feel when I can't make it in to visit someone in the hospital. So I'll just try to make the best of it. That being said, I would be surprised if I don't sway back and forth about all of this though!!! I'm still scared and nervous, and all the unknown is pretty terrifying. But even through all the dissapointments, I have to remember that GOD is in control, and won't give me more than I can handle. Somehow, I will be okay.

Again, I want to thank each of you for being here for me, and letting me freak out a little! I appreciate you all so very much, and don't know what I would do without each of you!!! You are a blessing to me. I'm so glad we have this place for support! You are all awesome and beautiful women. I love you guys!!