psyche's Journal

I feel so badly that I've been unable to respond to the wonderful people who have been so supportive of my in the last few weeks during the time of ming and my mother's birthday.  I was certainly the luckiet woman in the world and received so much support and you would time that would keep me going and would make me so happy.  And it did. It trully did and yet here I sit with tears streaming down my face.  I have the hic hups from crying so hard.  My step brother who just turned 40 and who works for the Fed Govt has just returned from a year in Kosovo and I saw him today for the first time in over a year.  He was my belated birthday present.  He lives in Clevaland and they had the blizzard last weekend.  He was positivedly glowingl.  Well, for good reason.  If the visas work out the girl who was his translator will be coming to the usa so they can be married.  This will be his 3rd married.  I can't even get a man to say hello to me.  I've very happy for him, but I'm so mad at the world/universe....if I have to send the rest of my life alone then I will kill myself now.  and I think that God SHOULD  till us these things.  What have I done to end up live in hooterville where everone is inbreed bunch of hicks.  I can't stand being alone.  I miss the breath of a man againist my neck at night, I miss huging him, I miss it all and I don't really think it was my fault for the break up of my last realthiship...it was this damn diseae.....DAMN IT GOD, HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME THAT THIS IS HOW IT WILL BE....QUIT THE SILENT TREATMENT....AT LEAST GIVE ME A CHOICE LIKE YOU DO WHEN PEOPLE GET MARRIED...DO YOU? YES, DO YOU? YESS........CAUSE IF IT IS MY LIFE i WILL KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW....it's not wrong to long for love, I will die with out love and my brother gets 3 chances and listen to this the other 2 reasons...they failed...wife one wanted kids, he didn't ....wife #2 left for a woman....now #3   I can't fucking stand it....what is fair about this.  Life's not fair....please god send me someone to love, please