psyche's Journal

I just had an ungodly number of men in my front yard. Nothing good.  A couple of trees had come down over the power wires and I was loving it. I had neighbors out in my yard in their cars and all the power guys and I was going around and talking to everyone and it was wonderful and then everyone left.  Now I'm setting at my computer crying my eyes out.  I even had my little dog outside doing tricks for everyone and the conversation was great and had so much fun, but the minute they started to drive away I just started to ball like a baby.  I'm so alone (which everyone here already knows and is sick of hearing) but I don't understand how I can be so good at little conversation etc and not be able to make a real connection with anyone.  Espically a man.  I can image that some of those people are saying that I was a nice person and how friendly etc, but everyone was going home to someone else.  I just want to love someone who will love me back.  It hurts so bad.  I can't see what I'm typing as the tears are just flowing.  I only wish that God would tell me what I did wrong , what I'm I being punished for, I can't change it if I don't know what I did wrong.  I'm so sorry...I'm so very very sorry.  I just want to love and be loved.