psyche's Journal

Number ONe...YOU GUYS ON THIS SITE ARE THE NUMBER ONE BEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD! BAR NONE. You keep caring about a piece of shit that shouldnt be here and I can't for the life of me figure out what or why I am.  I can't go to the hospital as many suggested.  I've stopped going to the doctor's and such.  I'm scared to go anywhere.  And now someone wants to give me a kitten to care for.  I don't know what to do.  the poor thing needs a home, but all I do is cry, sleep, scream, throw things, sleep some more and so on.  The other animals are adults and can handle themselves as long as I feed them.  I've been thinking about shooting myself in the foot (as an accident) and hoping that someone would be able to figure it out but since I don't have insurance I'd have to go to the State Hospital in handcuffs.....I get Medicare in June so maybe I'll try to hang on tell then.  I have no reason to exist.  Funny, I exist but have no reason to live. No reason to live.  What an admission to make.  And I'm sorry I know that you guys mean the very best when you say that it will get better, but I find that thouse who make that statement tend to either be in a one/one realtionship, or have family(chilren or relatives). I really don't.  I have a great step sister that I love but she is a very private person and I counld never move in with.  My options are nursing home, group home, death.  the first two don't let you have animals.  If I'm going to be forced to be alive againist my will then I must have animals.  No animals, no me.  If I kill myself I know that they will be cared for since it is in my will.  So who ever reads this if you have anyone who cares for you and you can physically touch them. Hug them like your life depends on it....cause it does.

Night, mother