is feeling OK
Did not binge as much today..Things are lookin up for now..
♥♥ I am a 32 y.o. gurly gurl who has been away from DS for about 1 year now. How I forgot about you all is beyond me! I had signed up for so many sites like this I got overwhelmed I suppose. I am mostly on MySpace & am glad I clicked on the email that told me I had a message here. I had seen these before but for some reason just HAD to come back here to see what I left behind...I love MS but do not feel as safe there as I do here. Everyone here is on the same page so to speak, MS has so many different ppl that everyone stumbling across your profile will not be as understanding/accepting when they read you are in recovery for any of the assorted things we are recovering from in life. I have plenty of ED friend on MS but they are mostly Pro ED not Pro ED recovery a big diff. I feel open here, like I can say whatever & ppl will understand. I feel accepted here. I know if someone takes the time to read what I have posted & comments on it they are being sincere wether they agreed with me or not. There is more respect & love here than on a place like MS. I need to heal & being in a Pro ED 1/2 the time/ Pro Recovery 1/2 the time environment ALL the time is not healing. I may be over 2 years off of Heroin but I am still a Heroin addict inside. If it were not for the MMTP I would not be over 2 years clean as we speak. I have neglected my HEPC DX due to feeling OK physically (not really, but I doubt it is due to my DX)& still need support I am scared to ask for in other places. Ia m starting again & will not forget you & this wonderful site again! I need to be PRO ACTIVE in my life. As hard as it sounds to me right now I have to do it. I am drowning slowly as I watch my life pass me by. I may not be able to be the uber functioning person I imagined I would be before all of my illness's but I can do better than I am now..I am allowing my illness's to take my life, body, soul, mind over & I am the living dead..I do not like the fact that the ASPCA uses a song known to be about Heroin addiction for a commercial to help animals..
Photography, Writing, Reading, Arts & Crafts, Music, Surfing the net, Volunteering at the local animal shelter, Saving stray cats/finding them homes, Bike riding, Parks, Beaches, Fairs, Picnics, Meeting cool people, Laughing, Decorating, Cleaning, Flowers/Floral arranging, Cooking, Window shopping, Watching movies, Going to museums, Coffee shops, Barnes & Noble/Border's, Making beaded jewlery, Collecting angels/fairy's, Watching Animal Cops & Meerkat Manor on the Animal Planet Channel, Reality Shows on The "E" Channel, Greys Anatomy, Family Guy, The Oblongs, American Dad, The Boondocks, Hannah Montanna (I know, I know, corny huh?), Early AM cartoons of the 80's, Life on the D list, Dave Chappelle Show, Keeping up w/Kardashians, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Weekly gossip mags, Any girly fashion, celeb mags (I am addicted & get about 20 a month in the mailbox!)eBay, MySpace, Shows about prison, gangs, drugs, Etc., MOVIES lots of MOVIES (the scarier the better), waiting for "BATMAN: The Dark Knight", My flowered Starsucks Coffee cup (it is not a typo, I only like the cup)My Hello Kitty Doll, NAPS & MORE NAPS, Klonopin ;).., Snowflakes, Flowers, Dentists, Showers, Running water & electricity, being able to help others, my daughter & my friends, my 100 year old step grandfather, the rain, cheap BUT good veternarians, low cost spay/neuter, no kill shelters, my kitties, crayons & arts & crafts stuff, sarcasm & humor & crying my little eyes out..These are a few of my favorite things....I know there are more but I forgot em all :P Tee-Hee ♥♥♥
July 6, 2008 5:04pm
Marie Noe had 10 kids from the 40's to the 60's & smothered 8 of her babies before they got to be 1 years old. Most were in …
Blessings to you Sweetie and Flowers to brighten up your day,mamaleigh
Cheer up , listen to some of your music have a dance by yourself ,have fun life is very short ,things that we could do ,compaired to others ,my mother in law works at the spastic centre ,sometimes i go ,and think how lucky we really are ,the poor buggers ,any hope you feel better feel free to talk any time ,:) BIG HUG XX
Big Hugs to you Sweetie and I'm here if you ever neen to talk or I am also a Great listener :) Blessings
your not alone. you dont have to live like this. have you tried overeaters annoymous? its the only place i have found recovery.
good luck, my dear. I hope it goes well. we're in the same boat so don't feel alone!
Progress
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For quite some time I have been noticing that I eat WAY to much. When I am not hungry at all,I eat, when I am upset, I eat, when I am happy, I eat, I eat until I get sick, I eat everything in sight,I get angry when I can't find my fave binge foods at the corner store, I spend ALL of my "allowence" on food, I hide my eating, I am ashamed of my eating habits, I am out of control with it. I never believed food could be addictive. I stopped using drugs and started using food.I want/need help.
My dad raised me and he was very verbally abusive. I vowed to NEVER be like him but I ended up with his short temper. It takes a lot to get me THAT angry but when I do reach my boiling point I need to watch out. I have actually hurt myself in fits of rage. I get so angry I can't hear anyone else or even think logically. I usually "black out". I have had thoughts of doing a person serious bodily harm (never have)and that scares me.
After years of shooting dope and losing any and everything near and dear to me and a few od's I made it to my 31st b-day.I lived the ugliness of being a junkie on the streets of any city USA. For years I bounced in and out of detox's/rehabs/prisons/abandoned houses/friends couches/shelters only to keep my habit fed. I lived to use and used to live. I had to be high.24/7.I forgot what food was,I forgot what being a human was.It took 18 months of prison and an ultimatum to get clean this time.
I have been homeless and it is not pretty. I also know that most are a few paychecks away from being homeless. Except those obscenely wealthy people. I remember how cold and lonely and scary it was to sleep alone in an abandoned building. It was so hard to live "normal" and the shelters in my area want 8$ per day from you and will kick you out for non payment! and the free ones have waiting lists miles long. It was so sad to be turned away night after night..
I got HepC the good old fashion way..IV use! It scared me when I got the DX..I thought I'd be dead in less than 10 years! I calmed down and educated myself now I feel better and know if I take care of myself I'll live to the ripe old age of...50..LOL...
I have a ED, I binge, purge, and have been DX'd w/ Food Addiction & Compulsive Overeating Disorder. I am very sad & disgusted with my weight & bingeing.
I am a COE & Binger & have BDD. I ahve the WORST relationship with food. I want to change it & lose weight & be healthy inside/outside again.
