ladytiger's Journal

Gah!! I am so fuckin pissed! are thse dumb women in the w4w ads that stupid? i just got 2 emails from 2 different women who responded to my ad on myspace. one is a year younger than me, she gave me her number to text her (how corny). we talked for a few mins, asked each other what we both wanted etc. i found out she is a damn swinger and married! i said no wonder ur profile is on private and how u lied. she laughed like it was funny, how immature for a 21 yr old she is!! she didnt need to be married if she still acts like a baby.

Next response i got was from a woman who is over the age limit that i was seeking (can women not read?) but oh well, she looked interesting. she has a cool profile, but i found out she has kids and is in a relationship!!!! can i bang my fuckin head on a hammer? am i fuckin delusional?! she is white and he is black, what the fuck makes her think just becuz he is black and i am black that i still want to have some type of relationship with a black man? sorry, i dont like black men there isnt anything good about them anyway. if she thinks her man is "it" then good 4 her im glad she found happiness. b4 anyone says anything stupid, im not one of those black women who thinks white women need to stay within their own race! when i go out, i see white women with black men, i dont pay attention to IR dating/marriages i dont make a big fuss about it! this isnt about me bein racist or 'white women taking all the black men.' i dont date within my race and i dont care, even if i dated within my race i still wouldnt give a damn!!! i tried emailing her back, i couldnt cuz i had to be on her friends list. if i have to email u back and i found out its difficult to email u, im gonna think ur hiding something. 

I really hate wasting my time writing ads about finding a woman who i can date or be friends with, then i can find out who doesnt read the ad fully or just read a sentence or 2. did someone not grad from hs? if the criteria doesnt apply to u, why the fuck r u still trying to convince the datee that ur all that? i am 22 no kids and i dont like kids. i dont like other ppl's kids, and i cant relate to parents. i mean seriously, why be friends with a parent and u cant relate to them if u dont have kids urself? now, i talk to parents only to get advice about them having  and dealing with adult children and speaking to them about why does my mom treat me the way she does.

when i was younger, i was trying to meet women single or couple. the couples i met were nothin but men, even if they were hubby or wife, bf/gf, i always had an uneasy feeling meaning they were selfish and were only concern about themselves not me. that to me is rape! no wonder i didnt meet them offline, i felt like i was put into a situation where i had to fuck their hubbies just to get to her meaning have sex with her. what?!?! come on, is it hard reading an ad that doesnt apply to u but maybe someone else out there it might apply to u? ive had way 2 many promises from couples, that it put me in a bad emotional state of lies. one couple i wanted to meet had no probs dating outside the race, oh i found out later they couldnt meet me cuz it would be 2 embarrassing to have sex with someone outside of the race but they wanted to know if they were open minded enough ppl to know! these adults were in their 30s, hell i was way more mature than they were my mind was already opened a long time ago!

im gettin to the point where i dont even wanna post ads if women keep reading what they wanna hear, see, and read. i feel like fine im still bisexual i just wont have the touch or kiss of a woman. why is it so hard to get a message across? i mean professional ppl use big words, lots of descriptive language to get a point across. i mean i dont wanna sound like an english professor and bore the women to death, but why am i having a hard time getting my words and ad across on myspace w4w? does anyone have a clue? english isnt my strong point, wasnt good at it.

i dont like wasting my time on ppl who cant face the facts that the ad doesnt match u at all and ur upset cuz ur gonna email me anyway and read what u wanna read! so immature to me! i just had to vent!

friday the 18th, my fiance and i celebrated our 3rd yr anniversary for bein together that long! we bowled, eat and drink, and had a great time. we kissed and hugged alot, he got me a card and i got him one too. it was so sweet! i enjoyed the card a lot!

seriously, what is the point in asking for advice in a forum and u get judged because of the behavior u thought was correct by ur horrible parents? i was asking for advice in pioneerthinking.com in personal development. this bitch put the link of my blog from myspace its called read b4 u contact me. it's about stupid ppl sending me these dumbass emails and i am so sick of explaining to them over and over what i am not lookin for or what i am lookin for. its not my fault if they cant read a profile, why should that be pinned on me? she said thats the reason why u dont have friends cuz i dont want ppl to be friendly with me...what?! when the hell did i ever say that about myself? id rather have someone be nice to be than someone bein a complete fuckin asshole! there are plenty of other women who have similar things that i said in my blog on myspace. so why am i bein pointed like im a bad person? do u know how many "offensive" profiles ive read? at 1st they sounded offensive, but their profiles actually made sense about reality, this country, society and ppl in general. i guess that makes those ppl bad ppl ya know? hypocritical if u ask me.

i didnt have any positive models in my life, both of my parents not positive ppl. as a matter of fact, both sides of the family are not positive. i dont appreciate having the finger bein pointed at me for my behavior. if i actually had real parents who were loving and kind, i wouldnt have the behavior and attitude that i have now i would be a totally different person now anyway. i didnt ask to be born nor did i even ask to have shithead unfit parents that i have...so why is it my fault? abused kids, why is it their fault because of their parents lack of parenting or their behavior that they didnt realize was unacceptable? i never knew my behavior/attitude was unacceptable until2-3 yrs ago.

im sorry but i have been reading self help books, they make sense to a point but the rest is up to me anyway. im sorry that i dont have a positive attitude about parents or sometimes life, but what i am suppose to feel if u have shitty parents? i want help but i dont appreciate someone tellin me this is the reason why u have xyz or this is the reason why ur xyz especially if ur sayin it in a mean way! there has been plenty of times where i hated the person's advice, i felt it was judgmental (sometimes it is when they are bein very mean about my situation) and alot of times i have to sit there and really think about what they said.

on the net, anybody can be an asshole or bitch. ive seen ppl write on myspace about themselves and they sound like assholes, usually chances are they are assholes in real life. with my myspace profile, im completely different than what i sound like in my profile. i dont go around bein rude to ppl, i dont call ppl names in public, i dont give them a hard time, i dont start fights, i get a long with everybody, im not a bitch 2 ppl, etc and how can these ppl on some of these forums say oh u must be xyz? i mean there is a reason why ppl go on forums like DS or any other site to get help? i love DS! nobody on here hasnt judged me, we are all in the same boat.

 these ppl dont know what they are talkin, they dont know me and they shouldnt even judge me. *sigh* i have been pretty busy with school, i dont have the time to meet ppl and make friends. i do go to meetup groups from meetup.com i still cant even ask if they wanna get together to hang out! i dont have money or resources to get me through this pain. i have low confidence in my social skills, i wanna go to toastmasters to build up my skills but that requires money to do so. who can i turn to help for? dont even say my family, they are nothin but sorry asses! my mind is program to only think a certain way, u dont know what its like when ur mother degrades u and all of those words bein programmed into ur head. u dont know how to think, sleep, or behave. it makes u wonder why someone like that has no confidence, self esteem, etc. 

im pretty much a dead person, a person who cant seem to function in reality. it feels as though my emotions as a human are dead. in what ways can i improve myself? i still have an anger problem and all. hmm...its ppl like my parents who should NEVER be parents in the 1st place!