Sooo...I kind of screwed up in …
Sooo...I kind of screwed up in the "not getting drunk", and stuff, and I don't know if I can stop doing …
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Yesterday was ok. Nothing much to say about it. I went to Wal-mart and bought some crystal light and a bunch of bottled water. also some veggies and other health food. I figure maybe if I can do it the right way I wont worry about purging. Its a start. Or maybe a start-over, seeing as ive started fresh everyday for a month now. lol. Even today I purged. I ate a boil in bowl pasta thing for lunch. I didnt even feel the normal sick feeling. I just did it. for no reason other then I knew I wanted to. hmmm.... The subconciouss is a bitch...
Last night I also bought a journal dedicated to just my ED. Im a write it down kind of person and Maybe it will help in my journey to a healthy me.
Hmmm....... This is going to sound crazy and childish. I wasnt going to mention it but what can it hurt...
The journal. You know the one I just bought?
The first thing I did when I got home was cut out pictures and words from the magizines like OK and star and such, and glue them to the pages. I cut out the skinny girls like Lohan and The Hilton girls.
Why? Is it me saying I really dont want to get better? Everyone knows what thin-spiration is and what it can do to you. So why?
How about this. We'll say its so that I remember that I want to get better but not to let myself go. (HA go any father that is!lol)
I donno....
Ill figure this crap out soon enough. just take it one day at a time!!!
Last night I also bought a journal dedicated to just my ED. Im a write it down kind of person and Maybe it will help in my journey to a healthy me.
Hmmm....... This is going to sound crazy and childish. I wasnt going to mention it but what can it hurt...
The journal. You know the one I just bought?
The first thing I did when I got home was cut out pictures and words from the magizines like OK and star and such, and glue them to the pages. I cut out the skinny girls like Lohan and The Hilton girls.
Why? Is it me saying I really dont want to get better? Everyone knows what thin-spiration is and what it can do to you. So why?
How about this. We'll say its so that I remember that I want to get better but not to let myself go. (HA go any father that is!lol)
I donno....
Ill figure this crap out soon enough. just take it one day at a time!!!
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I understand the starting over everyday problem..every binge is the "last binge" it sucks but you know wat? one day eventually really will be the new start so hang in there! And it's good maybe a journal could help you beat the ED but hun dont replace one ED with another ok? You can get back in control and stop the purging, it will be hard but you can do it. but dont let the feeling of control lead u to the other extreme.
WeaknessInMe
I've always wanted to start over with healthy foods. It is a bit much sometimes when purging become habit and just something that goes with the territory but if you can eat once during the day without purging it's something :)
alexine
hope you had a good weekend... and ur new journal is working out for the best for you... take care and keep writing in here too, it'll help as well!
hopehelp