chattypatty's Journal

I just want to share my day with my friends. you might ask, what is maintience day? well its my day. First i colored my hair. While waiting for that to set, i put my green firming cream on my face. Now i really prefer a peel off mask but it made my small grandson cry. he said: Maw Maw stop peeling off your skin. rinse off color and face. next one must tend to facial hair. pluck eyebrows, checking carefully for grey ones. wax lip. now lets address nose hair. easy to do but one must sit on toilet to do this because it makes you sneeze. Ladies you know what that can mean especially if you have a uti. enough said. now lets move on to the nether region. for this we need a good magnifying mirror. scissors and nair. trim off anything that is starting to curl. dont try bending over to apply nair for bikini line unless your an a cup. understand? your view is blocked. its best to sit on floor with mirror. yikes! oh yes, the mirror magnifies 10 times its size. hee hee.after nair is applied, do not stand up and talk on phone for 30 mins. you will have a mohawk. enough said. oh yes, dont forget Mr. Mass & Mr. Gill. got it? moving to my feet. get the pumice stone and work those heels. do you realize cracked dry feet can tear your new set of 350 ct. egyptian cotton sheets to shreds. cut and file toenails and fingernails. now my favorite part. bubble bath. favorite body wash. if you smoke, have a cig. by this time ive earned it. shave legs, underarms and anthing else that has hair clinging to it. enough said.now i wash hair. must get on all fours and put head under faucet. do it quickly or knees freeze up and one has to call 911. the firemen still talk about that one. lol by now hubby has said at least 10 times, whatca doin in there and is trying to pick lock. so quickly blow dry hair. now i have a secret. on maintaince day i like to wear my thong bikini. red today. next i paint my toenails red because my hubby hates red on toes and im allowed to piss him off today. never paint my nails because i feel like im smothering and get major panic. oh yes dont forget that lacy red bra. you know the one. it has wires that stick you and unless your a b cup, your cup runneth over. lol. by this time im tired and need a nap. ladies thats a lot of work but its just for me and makes me feel good. now im leaving you with a word of advice.  dont go bike riding in a thong. you could end up in the ER in the same position as when you washed your hair. enough said. i hope this offends no one. its all in fun and maybe made someone smile.    patsy