IDidThisToMyself's Journal

addiction to xanax Mood

Tuesday, June 3, 2008 | A Call For Help story

im terrified right now.

i admitted to my mom that i have an addiction with xanax. ive been taking about 3 a day of .5mg, usually before meals, otherwise i cant eat. ive been addicted to xanax for over a year now and i heavily rely on it. it hurts so bad to know that i cant control myself with the pills. and if i dont take them ill get withdrawls that feel so unbearable. im terrified to live my life without them. if i wasnt pregnant i know id be taking 10+ a day. and since im pregnant and taking this drug, im going to talk to my doctors tomorrow to see if a detox center is something i should consider.

i really dont want to be without this drug. it is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. it gave me some of my life back, some control. but at the same time it takes all that away from me.

i just wish i could have a moment of peace in my mind where im not thinking about the drug, or panic attacks, or being afraid to eat.

and i know my moms upset with me and its putting a burden on her...i think she thinks its easy to be able to stop, i wish i could explain exactly how hard it is to not swallow a pill.

Hug IDidT...

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Comments

Now that I've read your journal, I have a few responses:

1) You absolutely need detox, especially being that you are pregnant (and I'm assuming planning on keeping the baby). I hope you realize that there is a good chance that if you do not detox, your baby will be born addicted to xanax as well. Trust me--my ex-girlfriend's parents used to be foster parents specializing in drug-addicted babies--YOU DO NOT WANT TO WITNESS THE HORROR OF A DRUG ADDICTED BABY. In addition, in many states, you can be arrested for child abuse and also have your baby taken away from you PERMANENTLY if you test positive for drugs while pregnant. Just a few things to think about.

2) You say it's partially the best thing that happened to you because it gave you back some control. You need to understand how xanax is designed to be prescribed. It is meant to be a SHORT-TERM solution (a few weeks at most). If you need long-term help (I'm not that familiar with your story yet, but it seems like this is what you seek), there are MUCH better solutions out there designed for that (ie, other meds). Only a doctor can tell what you need, though.

My friend deals with panic attacks, too. If I find anything that they do to help her deal with them, I will definitely let you know.

3) As for being afraid to eat, I know this may not help much, but I will say it anyways: From your pictures, you are a beautiful lady. Most people would love to look like you!

And, even more importantly: If you are pregnant, eating is VERY IMPORTANT. In fact, besides being drug/alcohol free, the most important thing is nutrition.

RobertG36
I think its great that you have told your mum, its god to share a problem like that with somebody who cares for you.I agree with all of RobertG36's comments as well, you do need detox, not just for you but for your baby.
Take care and chin up hunni x x

georgie1
I agree with what RobertG36 and georgie1 both said. I wish you the best in getting through this. I know it'll be hard but I'm sure you'll be able to. ((HUGS))

Prescious
Talk to your OB/GYN honey. There are cases where the panic is so overwhelming that it can cause harm to the baby. Xanax is a great drug but it can turn into a monster if it is not taking properly. It is not as hard as you might think to wean of off it. The hardest thing is giving it up if you fo not want to. If you have a craving for the medication you are nor medically addicted but physically and emotionally addicted. there is a big difference. I hope you talk to the doctor about it as soon as possible. I am sure he will help you with the issue. Don't worry, just talk to the doctor. This is a common problem and he will give you some alternative treatments.
Good luck, sending you lots of hugs and love with support.
debbie

ncnurse
ncnurse is right is can be overcome. Once the withdrawels cease then it is just a mental thing...Which is a lot better than pain. This drug is dangerous and highly addictive. It was my soul mate for years. Talk to your doctor and he can come up with something to help get you throught the withdrawels until you are better...My doctor is helping me with a less addictive med to come off of the xanax..I am feeling so much better for the first time in ten yrs...Hang in there and prayers for you our upcoming BABY...love ya, margaret

Reborn1971