eh
June 27, 2008 4:38am
I just woke up, it's 3:30am, and I can't fall back asleep for anything.
Since the last time I wrote, I'm still spotting, but I guess …
IDidThisToMyself’s Profile
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IDidThisToMyself
is feeling Bad
About Me
I am 21 years old, my name is Jenny..hi :) I'm diagnosed with panic disorder and major depression. I also self-injure. I'm on medication that is making things a little easier. My parents are divorced and my dad is remarried. I have a wonderful half brother who is 3, he's my angel..he just doesn't know it yet. Also, I have another brother who is 22.
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Journal
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in the hospital again
June 15, 2008 1:43am
well thats a little frusterating. i wrote a whole journal entry out and it didnt post it. ok back to writing it again.
*this entry is a little …
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update
June 11, 2008 7:18pm
i haven't written in here for awhile, sorry that i haven't and thank you to everyone who helped me and gave me kind words and advice along …
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addiction to xanax
June 3, 2008 11:43pm
im terrified right now.
i admitted to my mom that i have an addiction with xanax. ive been taking about 3 a day of .5mg, usually before meals, …
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Journal Entry for May 31, 2008
May 31, 2008 10:26pm
im too tired to even write in this.
im still bleeding/spotting/cramping almost everyday.
on the 5th i have a doc appointment to see if things are still …
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Hugbook
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hugs for you
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I just felt you could use a hug :)
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hey hope your doing ok with the panic and anxiety i also suffer from them as well i know its not nice . Hope things are going as well for you as they can . huggs darren
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I hope you have a good night
I’m With You
hey how are you doing..im new to this..but read your story i am too going threw this..im about eight and a half weeks along i started bleeding last monday and it hasnt stopped yet..i dont go to doctor for another week..just seeing if they know why your bleeing
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Physical & Emotional Abuse
I've been in 3 emotional and abusive relationships. Now I pretty much have given up on thinking I'll meet a guy that will treat me with respect and love. Sometimes I'm afriad of guys in general.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- I'm still struggling pretty bad with it...but I did learn some tools that can help.
Close Sexual Abuse
I've been sexually abused 4 times. I can't help but think in some way it's my fault.
Treatments
- Crying Working / Worked
Open Rape
This is the touchy subject for me. I was raped when I was 16 and then again this past year and then again recentely by 2 guys at the same time. I don't know how to cope with it anymore. I used to feel like all I was good for was my body. Sometimes I still think that.
Treatments
- Rape Counseling Somewhat Helpful
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI've been depressed for as long as I can remember. When it gets really bad I won't even get out of bed for days.
Treatments
Open Eating Disorders
Type: AnorexiaI've struggled with anorexia twice. Once when I was in junior high and then recentely also. I started getting help for it and I've been doing much better for about 5 months now. I was at 82 pounds now I'm at 100. I also have Emetophobia, so food is just a bad thing in general.
Treatments
- Dietitian Consult Not Working
- Group Therapy Not Working
- Outpatient Treatment Program Not Working
- it was absolutely horrible.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
Open Self-Injury
I've been self-injuring for about 7 years now on and off. I usually do it pretty bad where I need stitches, which did end me up in the hospital twice and in inpatient. I don't know when to stop when I do it...all I know is that it helps. But everone wants me to stop.
Treatments
- Outpatient Treatment Program Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Rubber Bands Not Working
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- Tattoos Working / Worked
Open Stress Management
I have NO idea how to deal with my stress, which just elevates it more.
Open Anxiety
Usually 80% of the time I'm anxious...but not to the point of an attack.
Treatments
- Breathing Exercises Somewhat Helpful
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- Paxil Somewhat Helpful
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Xanax Working / Worked
Open Panic Attacks
I still get panic attacks, but they aren't so bad anymore. They were to the point where I wouldn't leave my house. And I still don't want to because of it.
Treatments
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- Patience Working / Worked
- it always ends...just have to wait it out.
- Paxil Somewhat Helpful
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Xanax Working / Worked
- Got addicted
Open Phobia
Type: Agoraphobia (fear of open spaces)Agoraphobia was the main thing that kept me even more depressed. I would never leave my house. Sometimes I'm still scared to. But now I'm forcing myself to get out there. I finally am able to talk about my other phobia which is running my life. I have had emetophobia since I was about 8.
Treatments
- Paxil Somewhat Helpful
Open Prescription Drug Abuse
I was abusing my prescription of Xanax. I'm on .5mg and I would be taking about 10-12 a day. I would feel like if I didn't have it I would get a panic attack, so I just popped a pill or two every hour or so.
Open Smoking Addiction & Recovery
I've been smoking cigarettes for about 6 years now. It's one of the things that actually calms me down at times. Now since I am pregnant I don't smoke and it's been extremely hard and stressful to quit.
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Not Working
Open Step Families
I have a step-mom and I live with her and my dad. Things there are so messed up, I can't even describe it. She's a homewrecker.
Open Breakups & Divorce
Too complicated. Too heartbreaking.
Open Pregnancy
Right now as of 5/5/08 I am 8 weeks 3 days pregnant.
Open Other Heart Problems
Type: Mitral Valve ProlapseI also have heart murmur and palpitations. My MVP could also be one of the causes of my panic attacks and anxiety.
Open Miscarriage
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