padsmom's Journal

 Still feeling bad, but not suicidal anymore. I've been searching for support groups in my area and a new doctor who will give me the right meds. Still don't have the energy to do what needs to be done, but I'm out of bed atleast . I'll try to drag myself to the gym later and see how that goes, went yesterday afternoon and my ass was really dragging . This whole doctor thing is because I fucked up and smoked a tiny bit of pot, now he refuses to give me my klonopin and adderalll which I am now going through horrible withdrawl from. I feel like an idiot, don't even know why I slipped by drinking and smoking pot I know better. Now the damn clinic is making me go through a drug and alcohol program and it sucks ass. I am not a habitual drinker or drug user. Time for me to find another doc who will put me back on these meds and get me feeling normal again AND he threatened to put me on Lithium which blew me up like a blimp. I need a new doctor, but I have NO money or health insurance and I am scared to death. I start a new job the 9th and I can' fuck up again and lose this one. I was actually starting to feel normal for a while there, just lonely and bored that's all, but somewhat stable. So sorry for my baby piss whining last night and I thank each and every one of you for all of your love and support because I sure need it right now. I feel like I'm walking that thin line between life and death right now it is so hard for me to cope without friends nearby or family that gives a damn. So please all of you keep me in your prayers because I'm going to need it these next couple of weeks. Love and hugs to you all.