Gobbolino's Journal

Going to post this on my diary as well as discussion boards in case other folk are interested

I'm an Occupational Therapist by trade, of course I don't practice what I preach normally but now I will try.  One of our stock-in-trades is the grading of activities, breaking down a big goal into little steps to make it manageable (a man in France has eaten several whole bicycles this way I'm told)

Plan is to start with little bits and build up...

However, the first goals are rather large.  It is the UNHOLY TRIPLE ADDICTION.

The first member of the Unholy Trinity is the Computer Game.  I've always been as escapist and vanishing off into a world where the little guy can be a great hero and make a difference suits mne far too well.  I can even justify it by imagining stories to go along with characters, how the world works, and so forth.  And some of the best games have well-crafted stories the equal of many novels.

The Second and Third memers are alcohol and smoking.  I don't know when I first cracked open a can and lit up a rollie when playing, but it's created an unholy alliance.  It's the most fun a single nerd like myself can have.  Problem is, it is terribly destructive.

I don't think I'm alcoholic, as such; I don't feel the need to drink constantly, or when watching a film, or in any other situation apart from being out socially at the pub.  But I binge-drink, and can open a tin in the mornings if it's associated with a game.  In the past it's messed up my stomach when I drank too much for too long, and I think it still does.  And heaven knows what it's doing to my liver.  If I count up the cans and wine bottles in my recycling bin at the end of an average fortnight, it's shocking.  Plus I'm getting a beer gut.

I smoke as well.  The times I manage to substitute alcohol for soft drinks, I smoke more.  I hate the idea of getting cancer.  I'm scared of it.  I made a deal with myself that I would quit smoking when I found myself a girlfriend to settle down with.  That was 13 years ago and hope is on the life-support machine.  But I no longer want to die in love's absence, however I can't stop smoking.
For me, smoking is entirely psychological.  I can go through physical withdrawal without noticing it.  I do so every time I visit Dad (he thinks I quit at 30) and when I go on holiday.  But the moment I get some beer in my hand, or start feeling sotrry for myself, I light up.

Taken together, these are the ultimate in escapism, I literally leave all my troubles behind.  But it's killing me.  And as far as doing anything worthwhile with my life, it's killing that to with the devouring of time.  It also interferes with my job.  I doubt it's good for my back, either.

I've had a glowing report of the first part of my new novel- but have hardly written anything for many months.  So there are better things I could be doing.

So, first part of the project is to RATION THE ADDICTION.  First part of the plan;

1) No more than TWO nights of full-on binge a week.  When I meet this, I will cut it to one, then one a month.  Any 3 of skipping meals, smoking, drinking or getting too little sleep/next day lateness constitutes a binge.
2) I will have one day alcohol-free and the other days will only have one can or glass of wine
3) I've been to a stop smoking course and got an inhalator.  Wish me luck.
4) If I break these rules, I will mail the current evil  computer game to my friend Caroline the following morning.  I can collect it from hers after it arrives, or have her send it back, but it will remove it from circulation for a while.

If I imagine the days my fictional ideal self would have, I would play 30 mins or so a night with a little tipple and as a reward for doing my jobs and writing my 400 words, then go and read in bed before sleeping.  That is, when the fictional girlfriend is away...

Wish me luck