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Even more depressed and never managed to get back into even this after the holiday... I started crying on the plane back, I'd walked on the great wall and sailed on the Yangtze and now I was coming back to my sad life.
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Am feeling unaccountably happy this week. Perhaps yet another repetition of the "what you think influences what you feel" on the computer programme they're getting me to do finally sunk in. Maybe it's because I'm still pretty insulated from everything. Maybe it's because things are actually geting a bit better- the back is improving, the watch is fixed, jobs are getting done, I know I can't do anything much about the car for a while (it's been written off my an accident that wasn't my fault)
And I'm not at work, of course. The job itself is good, I need it for self esteem and giving structure to the day, but the stress and the management (all the way up to the PM) get me down.
Have even managed to get swimming this morning. Am incredibly unfit compared to what I used to be.
Have a list of daily goals up on the wall I'm not doing too badly with, and adding to as I achieve them.
Addictions still going but not as badly, I broke my self-imposed rule on disposing of the games I'm afraid, but the advice does keep saying do things that make you happy!
I've found myself crying at Jackanory this morning. A story about a king who was rich but didn't smile or appreciate the small things in life until he fell in love with a washerwoman who had a magical cat. Mind you, suppose that does touch a nerve...
Drifting in and out, but a bit better today
Would love to get out volunteering, don't have the time unless I'm off sick. have asked several times for reduced hours at various workplaces, but they reckon you should either be tied entirely to the treadmill or unemployed, you scum!
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I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling despairing,it is always difficult to return to normality,and often brings home to us the glaring inadequacies of our lives....but,you did motivate yourself to go on that fantastic trip,and I'm sure you will go on many more,I applaud your globe treking,and am jealous of your courage to travel...it would be great to hear about your experiences.
I see that you are now taking Efexor,I had sickness initially,which lasted some weeks(and I almost gave up on it),and I am still sick if I take it late or miss it...but emotionally I am much better,for me its the best anti depressant,and someone once told me that if you have bad side effects when you start taking it the better it will work in the long run..who knows?.Let me know how you're getting along sometime.
Lunaroo