angel526's Journal

ive had a good day today,although i nearly went downhill by visiting my mom and dad they really dont understand but then again no body close to me does.mom thinks i should snap out of depression like its something i can switch on and off all i hear is its not fair on the kids and damian (my hubby) she makes me feel like i should be supporting him and its poor you why put up with her.he dont understand i think he secretly believes in what my mom says i wish people would understand its NOT something i want to go through i dont want to feel the way i do im half the woman i used to be the more i try and find myself the more anxious i get because i dont know myself anymore.dont they think id like to laugh out loud insead of cry all the time im finding myself hiding away if i get upset because my hubby just looks to say oh no shes off again he gets frustrated and then starts getting angry maybe with himself but he takes it out on me he snaps shouts huffs and puffs i wish i could help him help me i start to feel guilty then i upset everyone around me i look at the front door and wish i could just walk away not from my children but from myself hubby and kids can get away from me they get time out im stuck with my horrible thoughts fighting with myself trying to pull myself together spiraling down and down the more i try.when i have a good day i worry about having a bad one and spend the day wondering if something will happen to trigger it off all over again when i feel down i feel so lonley it scares me so much.my hubby used to be my security blanket but i cant turn to him im going through this alone and it scares me so much....