heartaftergod's Journal

 As I write this entry I must put on my sun glasses, the sunshine is coming closer to my window, I love the sun. I want to thank all of my friends here at DS who have been praying for me to get disability. Well, the first round is WON, the state of Oregon deemed me totally disabled and now i can get all my meds and medical done for FREE. I was approved on Valentines Day this year. What true love my Father has for me, to give me what I wanted so badly for so many months on the best day of the year. His love for me will never waiver or stop, I know this is only the first stage in getting the Federal disability I so desperately need.

The stupid part is that even with the states determination I still have to battle the Feds, but who cares, I want to win the workmans comp case first so I can get all the money that is entitled to me first before everyone else gets their hands on it. March 18th is my hearing for comp entitlement. I hope I can maintain without going off on the judge. I have a tough time keeping silent during the cross examinations. I might just start crying and get all upset. Or my mouth will go dry and I cannot speak. That happens all the time when I am talked to by anyone in authority. I definately have authority issues from the past. Oh well, time to live on and get paid for all the BS I had to put up with at work. Decades of abuse and now it is my turn.

Happy days are here again, I can get my back worked on. Now, I must work this damn managed care crap to get the right doctors and the specialty care I so desperately need. Love to all for this huge improvement in my life.

 Well, I guess it is time to get dressed up and studied up because I have decided to get more involved at my county level first. Tattman gave me such insperation about being involved I have joined our huge county health council. I will have to be voted in but thats ok, once they meet me they cannot help but let me in. I will bring forward all of our issues and I will get my learning center established but I must first get in the door.

So I will volunteer more time to our cause and get in at the time the money is being allocated. Ladies and gentlemen of DS, I encourage you to write and become an active member of your states issues. It seems rather complicated but it was not hard to get in. Most of the councils are public and open for everyone who wants to participate. I must keep going on this new journey and see what doors will open up. I also have decided to back my neighbor who is running for house represenative at the federal level. People, this is our United States and it is time we all got involved somehow. However you can, vote, volunteer, help others like me, there by we will be seen as winners and not losers. Love to all my friends here.

My first meeting is this coming monday, I am very excited for sure. I have read everyones budget for these coming years and it looks like alot of program dollars have been set aside for Health Care Reform, but our voices will not be heard unless we make them heard. Join me, in chooseing, Revolution or Revelation.

 Well, I am back to a more normal state after the episode the other day. I have seen the report done by the psyche eval and it was powerful. The doctor wrote in such a way that if they do not help me now It is beyond hope. I also found an envelope on my bookshelf that contained some very special pictures I had forgotten about. I feel free again. I have a paper now that claims for sure I fried my brain on Meth. I often wondered if after 25 years I might have done some real damage. My tests scores were very low in many areas of the brain, and I have become a full fledge Predator, living in defense mode waiting for my prey. Damn, it sounded like I was a real animal. That is what I asked him to do, right a report that will convince the folks  at SSD I am on the edge of my sanity. This is the best part, he was the same doctor I saw for my workers comp claim against the company. I feel so much better, knowing the truth did set me free.

I will be better able to show the inmates I work with  the real side effects of doing chemical drugs. I quit back in 93 but the damage was long done. I will start a new life now, the past is behind me and tommorrow is a few hours away. I am eager to start my next adventure, anyone care to join me?