so far so good. i have a lot on …
so far so good. i have a lot on my mind. i fear losing the man i love to drugs. he is the only person i have ever …
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I've been feeling down lately, just sad and depressed. I have a lot of fear and anxiety when it comes to life. I'm afraid of being alone. My parents are all I have. I'm extrememly close to them. I don't have a husband or kids. I do have one sister but she's married and have few close friends anymore. I fear something happening to my parents and me not being able to survive that. I would like to have a family of my own but I fear no man could ever love me. I've never had that in my life. I've only had men use and/or hurt me.
I feel very weak and I wish I was strong. I want to be ok but I'm not and I can't just snap out of this depression. I'm not even sure if it's just depression or if I could be bipolar. I have ups and downs. Bipolar runs in our family also. I've never really found a good Dr who has taken the time to properly diagnose me. They all just give me their drug of choice and that's it. I don't have insurance either so I'm struggling with having to pay out anyone I see.
My greatest fear right now is that I'll never be happy and at peace again. I fear I'll always be lonely, depressed and anxious,etc.
Plus the tragedy at VT has even made me more depressed and had me question life and death as well.
I just know I hate feeling this way and when I'm down like this I can't work on losing weight or working or anything. I'm not capable right now or doing much of anything and I feel pathetic because of that and no one understands except those who can relate.
I remember not too long ago that I was losing weight, working, happy, confident, dating, going out with friends, living on my own, etc. I've lost all of that and I feel incapable of having it back. I fear I'll never be that person again and that she's lost forever!
Any Advice?
I feel very weak and I wish I was strong. I want to be ok but I'm not and I can't just snap out of this depression. I'm not even sure if it's just depression or if I could be bipolar. I have ups and downs. Bipolar runs in our family also. I've never really found a good Dr who has taken the time to properly diagnose me. They all just give me their drug of choice and that's it. I don't have insurance either so I'm struggling with having to pay out anyone I see.
My greatest fear right now is that I'll never be happy and at peace again. I fear I'll always be lonely, depressed and anxious,etc.
Plus the tragedy at VT has even made me more depressed and had me question life and death as well.
I just know I hate feeling this way and when I'm down like this I can't work on losing weight or working or anything. I'm not capable right now or doing much of anything and I feel pathetic because of that and no one understands except those who can relate.
I remember not too long ago that I was losing weight, working, happy, confident, dating, going out with friends, living on my own, etc. I've lost all of that and I feel incapable of having it back. I fear I'll never be that person again and that she's lost forever!
Any Advice?
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I've been where you are, Christal, and I have family. Children & precious grandchildren yet I felt I had nothing to live for. I felt if they left me, moved away, or whatever, I would not want to live. Sometimes I felt if I was gone, they wouldn't have to worry about me any longer.
Would it be possible to find a job that would provide insurance for you? If not, you can try some herbals like Valerin (smells horrible but works). Herbals take a little longer but they're a lot cheaper than a doctor's visit & prescriptions.
Try to reach out and help someone else. Just one person. When you're helping someone else, you think less of yourself. Someone told me once, just talk to people around you. You can find friends ... even for the moment ... who might lift your spirits.
You can have it all back again. Mood swings are just that. Ups and downs. You're down right now but you'll be up again. I thought I might be bipolar but my doctor said he didn't think so. When I stay on Effexor, I stay even most of the time. Even making sure I take my blood pressure meds help keep me more even. When your body's chemisty is out of whack, you will experience mood swings.
I know free & low pay clinics aren't much fun to visit but it might be worth it to make sure you are not experiencing this depression because of something physical.
Hang in there, Girl! You're among friends here!
Pattie
Pattie57
Keeep talking and keep coming onto this site. There are a lot of poeple who care about you here and understand what you are going through. Some years ago I was extremely depressed and admitted to hospital for 2 lengthy stays. I could have written what you have written tonight. The reason I tell you this is that there is life after depression and reading your journal takes me back to the awful blackness and hoplessness that I felt then. I feel a bit fed up these days but generally my depression is under control(and consequently I feel able to work on my eating) Take heart and take one day at a time, you have great strength and will get there in time LOLx
poppi
HOney it is temporary and you have to believe it before it can go away! Make some small goals and achieve them...
Example...Walk 10 extra steps...or smile at someone else...When I was low like that I had to get some small goals going. They sure do improve your outlook when you achieve them...
Love ya~
scarlett
wow, I just read your journal and then the posts from others. They nailed it when they said that we are all here for you. We may just be email buddies, but I know in my heart that every person here, including myself would give you a hug if we could and assure you that you are going to be o.k. I am going to send you a message because I don't think this comment area will hold all I want to say.
Jenn820