sundeva's Journal

Giving Away Power Mood

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I thought that letting this man kiss me was a harmless thing. Wrong! I've been feeling power leeking out of me. There's this prehistoric instinctual energy level that must get activated. I was kind of obsessing about it and I even started getting pissed off.

BECAUSE THIS MAN IS UNCOSCIOUS and I can already see the control thing coming right at me. Unconscious people are victims of their poisonous histories. They don't make choices, they act out. There is a sweet natural man under neath, but there's no way, Hosai. I was really enjoying keeping all my power and watching these guys in their befuddlement over how I could want to stay celebit. They think it is unnatural. Well, I've discovered something. Keeping my power feels better. No more giving away power to people who are unconscious.

I'm not stopping at this destination, I'm going on to a higher place where people inspire each other to greatness. There's a consciousness conference in Toronto and I am going to get there somehow. I'm taking that plane to undiscovered territories! Hant yo! (watch out, here I come!)

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Comments

That sounds very exciting - a consciousness conference! I hope you get there and can tell us all about it!

aranea
And why could you not have put that message in a bottle and floated to me a year ago? I agree that openness gives power away in a way. NUGS

Nicenbouncee
Live to your highest power with or without physical gratification. I'm in the born again virgin phase too....but I look forward to moving past that.

Real power is living without fear. You won't feel like dealing with men is a power trip once you experience your authentic power or higher level of conciousness. I can't tell you much about it that though.....I'm not at that level.....I'm just like you swirling around with men surounding me wondering how to deal with them too. So many men....where is my one that can match my energy?

Yes, I understand you but.....the lesson is trust and facing fears. Men do NOT have POWER over you unless you give it. We must learn how to keep our balance.

marylouwho
Funny you mention losing power to people who are controlling which really means people who need to feel superior.

Yesterday House mate and I discussed further. then after that he starts telling me how he saw the 3 most beautiful women at the co-op. I was thinking..oh no not this again. I told him ..you need ot find a GF. Then I finally said ...I don't give a fuck about what people look like...and why??? becuase that has nothing to do with awareness. Later I thought more about this. I realized I had really learned something. Not that I ever have been into looks but I do not see things the same way any more. What ever it is who ever it is...if it act like a drain ..it is a drain and no amount of beauty or monies or what evers will sell me out of real connection with another human being.

It gets tricky when the instincts arrive and with demands..demands for affection, regualr companionship and finally sex..what ever the order.

One thing for certain Sundeva..if I do engage with a more or less unaware person...my disappointment is my own. I do know better than to ask for the whole deal from some one who is only partially alive. Right now ..I don't need to mess with my head. I take care of the child in me and I pay attention to my instincts and not allow them to get mixed up in the choice of intimacy. Meaning...I have the strength and courage to pass up fast food for the entire feast. I will not settle. Sure i miss a kiss but not by an unconscious slave. Sorry really unsexy! LOL I am not going to leave it up to my imagination to make up where the other falls short. Something like that.

pageo
right on pageo. I'm with you.
Mary-Lou, I don't think we were quite on the same page with this post. Either way, I am learning to be more aware than ever and protecting myself is the name of the game. Relationships are so tricky, especially for me as I used to be such a total victim. I can see why I should not be kissing any fools or unconscious types because it will only take me down.

sundeva
Don't be too hard on yourself...take it as a lesson learned. From now on, you can keep to your power!

There is no perfect man...dang, I thought I could change mine into a perfect man. Realizing that *I* am not perfect was a big eye-opener for me...I always thought I was perfect...Not so.

TLCDaisy