stiimpee's Journal

Okay, first let me say that sometimes I feel a little guilty that I only stop by when I'm feeling sad.  What's that all about?  And I know I shouldn't just use this spot for journaling, that maybe I should visit other people's pages and share the caring.  So to any of you that get the vibe it's "all about me", my apologies.  I guess I just get wrapped up in venting my sadness and then I sign off.  I really do care about all of you and am thankful too!

So, moving on.  Haven't been on much in a while, just gliding along really.  The ex has been taking the kids two to three days a week because of summer break.  So I get to watch TV, go to bed at a normal time, not wake up in the middle of the night, etc.  Downside of course is missing my babies, being without them, and them not waking me up in the middle of the night because they need their mommy for something. 

I have gotten a lot of mixed signals from my ex and I HATE it.  He makes comments and hints like he's unhappy.  But yet I know he is spending time with his "friend" as well.  My son has been pretty much telling me everything and anything regarding his last visit with his dad.  He said they rented a mini-van and drove to some museum.  (she has two children and my ex brought ours)  He said they did that one day and then to the pool another day.  That I shouldn't get upset about it because daddy said they are only friends and he "probably" won't marry her.  Great to know.  Anyway, my oldest said he wants to see his daddy, but he doesn't understand why they always have to do stuff with her and her kids that he just wants to be alone with his dad.  I told him if he feels that way he needs to tell his daddy exactly how he feels.  Yes, I could do it, but then it would just appear as if I was making it an issue about me.  (And yes I am hurt and yes it bothers me, but I don't want to make it about me because it NEEDS to be about how my son is feeling)  Yet with that being said, my ex mentioned that he has nothing to do on the 4th and then sent a text yesterday to ask if we'd had BBQ chicken recently because he was going to bring some over.  (he didn't, what a surprise)  He also said he'd come over Saturday to deal with our broken lawnmower.  Well, he came over just as we were eating lunch.  Sat down and joined in a bit, spent some time with our oldest, never did anything with the lawn and headed out.  He was slightly stoned for the visit... I could see it in his eyes.

On a different note, the divorce is finally moving along.  The atty is finishing up the final draft of the settlement papers which I will hopefully get this week.  (third draft and my ex hasn't even seen them yet)  There's a status hearing in July and he's looking to do the court date and "wrap it up" (as he stated) by late August or early Sept.  Ugh and double ugh.  I'm scared to death that once my ex gets those papers all hell will break loose.  I was very nice and the atty even said he didn't understand why I was being nice and that he was advising against it.  Simple: Love is stupid.  Truthfully, I want the house and I asked for him to pay half of the debt we had when he left.  Everything I have incurred since the lawyer thinks he should pay part of because it is his fault, but I don't see that working to my advantage.  I don't want this to get ugly, I don't want it to drag out, I just want it to be over.  It is also not my goal to screw him in anyway, merely to get a bit of financial relief.  Right now he gives me $75 a week.  Sometimes a little less.  My thoughts are if there is no hope for us to reconcile, there is no point to avoid the inevitable.

And that's it..... for now anyway.