stiimpee's Journal

Frustrated... Mood

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Just a quick one as I am frustrated and using this forum to vent. Why are all exes so passive/aggressive? One minute he is talking down to me, biting my head off or just acting like I'm an idiot. An hour later he's sending me a text that he's going to change the oil on the mower and mow the lawn. It's really maddening. This seems to be ongoing and I don't really get it. His parents were visiting this weekend and they came to our son's baseball game. The ex shows up and says hello to everyone but me. That's not the norm. The norm is that he is over the top nice and puts up a show so they will see what a great guy he is. That's annoying too. One minute he's snapping at me and the next minute he's trying to do something nice. Why is he all over the place?

Arrrrggggghhhhh..... sometimes I wish I could just move to Cali and start over with the kids, but without him so I could distance myself from him. I know that's not realistic because I would NEVER take him from his boys. It's why I let him stay at our house twice a week so that the boys can see that we can be nice to each other and so that the boys can "kind of" still have their daddy to some extent. I just don't really get why he always acts like HE is the one should be mad. He left, not me... yet he acts like he is the one that get dumped. What am I missing here?

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Comments

Vent away! That's what this place if for. I don't know about you, but usually when I come here and vent, I see my own words and start to see the pattern, or the bit of info that I need to get through my head.

I give you a lot of credit for caring so much about your kids, and wanting to make things easier for them. Just keep an eye on your own boundaries, and what's good and healthy for you too.

Everyone's situation is different, of course. But in my case, my kids were far more anxious when I was letting their mom come over, because it made me anxious, and raised the energy level and tone in our home.

I think the kids can usually adjust to situations better than we tend to think or expect. But again, just speaking from my own experience here.

In any event, as you know, we can't change 'em. All we can do is take care of ourselves - and let our exes be whatever they're gonna be. It does sound like your ex is being passive agressive... and I think that is probably common... they seem to want to *try* to control us long after they leave the marriage, huh???

You've come a long way... so I say, just keep moving.... keep on moving :)

riverwalker
riv netted this one out. yes, venting here is great.
it is good to keep good relations for the kid's sake. I wished we could have a normal relationship for the benefit of the kids. I know she HATES me, I know, cuz I just don't give a rip anymore. That being said, let it all go honey and you get to be able to get a good night's sleep.
he'll never change, so don't let his mood swings phase you, If anything, maybe you give him the nickname "cybil" or something... of course, keep that to yourself. :)

JTGPP
Actually he was already given a nickname by a friend of mine, which is "He who shall not be named." Cracks me up every time. And the sleep thing? That's not because of him. That's just because I work in the city, get up at 4am, get home at 6:15pm, and then need to do the single parent thing right when I walk in the door. Sunday night my oldest woke up at 1am and puked all over Exorcist style. Monday night he wet his bed. Tuesday night, can't remember. Last night he woke up because his blankets were all mangled and wanted me to fix them and tuck them back in. I don't mind the latter so much because it's dual purpose as I remind him to go to the bathroom so he doesn't have an accident. So, the good news is the ex isn't keeping me from sleeping, it's just the current lifestyle of a single parent. I am sure many out there can relate!

stiimpee