i feel terrible rite now. im so …
i feel terrible rite now. im so sad i donno wat to do. i hate myself so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join Now
I got lead on and fucked over by another guy! I'm so sick of finding the ass holes! I actually thought he was gonna be a good one. When I told him about my MS his response was that knowing that I had it made him more attracted to me because it showed I was a fighter. I was so happy when I heard that and once again I put my heart out there hoping for something and all I got was it smashed into te ground AGAIN! I dont understand what it is about me that makes guys think they should lead me on and then decide that another girl is better! Why are other girls better?? I know that I'm beautiful and am one of the most caring people you will ever meet and yet for some reason thats not what guys are looking for. I dont get it. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everythings going to be ok. I'm so sick of everything! I can't even breath anymore! I just want to cry all the time and I dont ever wanna do anything! And these damn injections are really starting to piss me off! My entire body has red marks on it and sometimes I get so sore that it hurts to even walk. I shouldnt have to deal with all this shit at 20 years old! Why does all this crap have to happen?? Is it so hard to ask to just be happy for once in my life?? What did I do that was so bad that God wanted to punnish me so much?? I've always been a good person, I was a great kid growing up, never done drugs, I dont sleep around, I've got such a big heart and all I want is for someone to give it to that wont crush it even more. And maybe even put back some of the pieces that other guys broke. I just wish there was someone I could talk to that would make me feel better! it use to be my best friend Miles but he was killed in a car accident when we were 17 and no one can make me feel like he did. he always knew what to say and I donno if I can handle all this without him! Its been 3 years since he died and I still can't handle it. I donno anyone that made me feel the way he did. He always knew how to make me feel better! I'm just so sick of crying all the time! I use to be so happy all the time and everyone loved being around me and even though I'm still a happy go lucky person in public behind closed doors Im the complete opposite! If only everyone knew how I was actually feeling......
Comments
You might also like ...
3:37 I feel soo sick I donno weak …
3:37 I feel soo sick I donno weak i am just over welmed. I threw up blood today what dose that mean.. i dono …
Yesterday was ok. Nothing much …
Yesterday was ok. Nothing much to say about it. I went to Wal-mart and bought some crystal light and a bunch of bottled …
I respect your honesty. In this journal, it's okay to show your deeper feelings and get things out.
I don't know how you handle relationships, but men prefer challenges. Maybe you come on too strongly, showing the guy too quickly your true feelings.
Maybe he wasn't that into you, to put it bluntly, and that's okay too. You just move on. there's plenty of fishes in the sea.
And also, did you really believe him when he said having MS made you more attractive by showing that you're a fighter? Puleeze! Alarm bells should have been ringing in your head.
What's attractive about MS? I rationalize all the time to make myself happy and we all do. I try not to deceive myself, however.
You should be glad you haven't found committment yet. You have a lot of time to find a steady boyfriend. One day you'll find someone who'll accept your illness and maybe if you're lucky, good health will return.
You're not being punished. The universe doesn't work that way, despite what people may have told you. You need to read books, buy CDs, go to lectures, study Buddhism, find out about a lot of things you don't know yet. That's why you are here, to find out who you really are.
This is karma and other factors in play. You can get thru any crisis. Just don't blame God because it's fruitless. First start reading the "Conversations with God" series by Neale Donald Walsch. You have to clear up your misconception of God first, then keep reading and growing. You have a lot of growing to do.
There's an old song that goes: "Everybody plays the fool. The next time someone cries for you."
Men suffer as much as women, trust me. I've seen the biggest players become crybabies.
I wish you peace, love and light.
DukeDraven
Yikes, I'm sorry Alicia. I doh't know what else to say. Not everyone is like that. I had a similar experience. When I got my initial diagnosis of MS, my fiance' left me. It hurt alot at first, but now I just gota say "oh well". At least I got my little girl out of it. Don't give up, things will turn around for you.
=o)
Jeremy
try to smile.
jertol
Hey girl! It will get better, they are out there!! I used to think the same way that you are right now, but then I found a good one. I was in a relationship for almost 10 years with a guy and we talked about marriage. Thank God that I realized he was not the one for me. I found out at his brothers wedding that he had been cheating on me. How?? I walked onto the dance floor to find him kissing one of the bridesmaids!! She was not the only one - there werre a total of 9 girls! I wanted to give up because I didn't picture myself with anyone but him. Then I realized that I was better than that and I deserved better. Like you, i consider myself to be one of the most caring people. I would do just about anything for anyone. It should've been a red flag when he didn't want to be with me for support after my dx. Everyone else came over to be with me after I found out, but he was "too busy washing his car!" Whatever!! Anyway, I didn't give up and found someone great. One of the first things I told him was that I had MS. I didn't want to deceive him or lead him on in any way. So I told him and his response was "Why would that make me care about you less? You're no different." That made me soooo happy! We have been together for a little over a year now and it's fantastic. He is always there when I need him even if it's just to sit next to me. Trust me, there are still some good ones out there. You just have to weed through all of the a**holes!! Keep your head up! You're too good for anything else :)
Mary615
I hear ya...its been a rough journey for me the past yr trying to come to terms with MS happening to me too. Listen to your instinct!! Your gut, as some say. I was feeling a ton of pressure from the MDs to get on on the injection meds and steroids when 1st diagnosed...I was so scared...but that fear is what told me that the typical route of CRABs and steroid infusuions was NOT for me.
tagray