Stella18's Journal

I am waiting for the day when I can say " I've recovered from bulimia", but I seem to be stuck. I've been seeing a therapist for the last six months, and I have made some good progress. I Overall I feel pretty good about how far I have come, but in the last two weeks I seem to have hit some sort of relapse. I have binged at least 8 or 9 times, and I've purged 3. I'm starting to feel hopeless again, like no matter how far I come purging is the only way I seem to find peace. After a purge I feel anew, like my day just started and I can do anything. I know this is wrong, and I want to find something else that can make me feel good, I just don't know what/how. Is there hope? I know relaspes are common, I just worry that mine is really severe and I won't be able to keep my head up. This is so f'ing hard, I hate myself for being bulimic, I hate myself for b/p, but at the same time it's so comforting. Help!