bwphotomom's Journal

I had this amazing thought the other day... I'd read someone's story on here in the "things I miss the least" thread... and she said that she didn't miss the feeling of being told she was crazy when all that was happening was he was lying to her... And that is how I've been living. I've been told that I was jealous, insecure, controlling and crazy because I told him that I knew that what was going on between them wasn't right. I told him that the other day... That I was right the whole time that he'd belittled me and ridiculed me, telling me all these things that I truly believed about myself. I was constantly reading up on gaining confidence, on how not to be jealous, on how to be a more secure person. Praying to God that I could find somehow to change myself, when the entire time it wasn't me... Ohhhh it makes me angry right now. I wish I had my punching bag here on my retreat so that I could relieve some of this frustration. Maybe I'll go for a run......