well i'm feeling much better …
well i'm feeling much better than the last time I wrote. I ovulated yesterday! :) I'm not holding …
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Well I definitally lost it yesterday. Mentally, I just couldnt stay positive-after the bad news everything just seemed to make me cry. Sometimes its so difficult to not let your emotions get the best of you, please excuse my irate last journal entry. I am still very disappointed that the ov watch appears to be wrong. At the same time Im not really sure what to beleive-is the doctor/sonogram actually right? Will I actually ovulate just late or not ovulate at all this month? Is the accupuncure/herbs/BBT tracking even worth it? One day I think I've got it all figured out and the next my world comes crashing down. DH and I fought about it yesterday because Im sick of the process and just ready to go back to stupid injections, he prefers to keep trying naturally. I dont know, we'll see how the cycle turns out I suppose. I am proud of myself because as difficult as yesterday was, I didnt fall of the eating disorder wagon. Im holding strong. I did drug myself heavily to sleep last night but really dont care, I needed it. Havent run yesterday or today yet but might tonight when DH goes to work. Anyways, DH and I are going home today to spend some time with my parents, sister & her family. Im very crampy and dont want to think or feel anymore of the IF issues anymore. Oh well, I do love this fall weather so I guess I'll just try to ignore my body as much as possible and enjoy the weekend. Thanks for all the support friends and again, sorry about the language in my last post.
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Hang in there. The journey is long, but you will get there. Stay strong.
Julesx
First off, you never need to apologize to us. If you can't opening vent to us, who can you vent to? We all need that unconditional acceptance and love here sweetie. I'm so very sorry you're having another roller coaster cycle. I think we've all questioned the path we've taken, the results we're seeing (who is right?) and so on. It absolutely makes us wonder what is wrong with us and our choices so I think what you're feeling is normal. Your emotions just need to cycle and you'll be back to yourself and more dedicated then before I bet! It's good to get it all out. I'm SO VERY PROUD OF YOU that you didn't fall back on your eating disorder and "punish" your body. That's an amazing fete! Trust me from an emotional eater who has gained 10lbs in the past month because of my journey, that's something to be very proud of. I hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend and find some peace. Hang in there.
Lots of love and hugs,
Joanne
JOANNE434
I'm so sorry you are having a rough go of it. It certainly sounds like your patience has been tested on numerous levels. I'm glad to hear that you didn't fall back into the eating disorder issue since I know personally how quickly we can find comfort in this. Please take care of yourself and know that are many women here who truly care about you... xoxo Lauri
Drex
We all have our moments hon, so don't worry about it! I commend you for doing your very best to give it a go with "au naturale TTC'ing". I know it can be so frustrating, and tempting to go back to treatment. Just take you time and decide what your next steps may be. I'm excited about taking off for holidays at least b/c it holidays are stressful enough w/o treatment. Congrats sweetie on doing not falling back into your eating disorder! Hang in there sweetie! HUGS Mimi
Mimi75