NEGATIVE.....So what is going on.I …
NEGATIVE.....So what is going on.I took a test this morning and got a BFN.I didnt really expect to get a positive, but …
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Sonogram today revealed several large cysts, cant start another round of injectables. She was going to switch us to Menopur. She gave us 2 options-try on our own for a month or go on birth control for a month. We opted to try on our own, though I am very worried about how long of a cycle we will get since they are so very unpredicable. RE is baffled as to why we are not getting pg since we have done so several times on our own and now with the help of follistim still cant get there. This combined with the 3 mc's makes her question slightly endometriosis as a possibiliy. I dont know a whole lot about it but she said if we have a few more unsuccesful months I will have to have laproscopic surgery to test for it :( Im so numb I cant even cry any more. RE thinks I will ovulate between 8/23-8/27 which is when we will try on our own. She will draw blood on 8/28 to see if I have ovulated yet. I guess I just dont think It'll happen like that because that would mean things would actually go the way we want them to and right now Im just so freaking negative. At least I have some time to get my body back-get rid of all the bruises and no more bloating/constipation etc. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart is torn into a million peices. I just feel like I am being punished for something, why does it have to be this hard, why are every one of my friends pg, why do all my babies die? why why why. Im just so so so sad. Im sorry that I've been so negative friends, I really hope I can go back to being positive again soon. I just cant stop crying long enough to think straight. Im totally defeated, IF is winning.
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I HATE IF! Bummer about the cysts...I had them the month after Follistim...the forced "taking a month off/trying on your own" stinks. It always makes me feel like I not moving forward towards what I want. (When I am being a bit more rational, I think the break is really healthy, physically and emotionally). We are trying on our own the next two months...grrr. I have heard great stories from women who have lap surgery and the get prego right away! That could be the trick for you! I hope things get better soon. Thinking of you!
laraM
IF isn't going to win...you are!!! Sry abt the cysts. They almost made me cancel this cycle too but mine deflaited. It's okay to be miserable, I am too often, but don't beat yourself up :( I'm hear alot it you need to vent. Big hugs to you.
pry4bby
Reading your journal reminded me so much of my own situation. I know the pain is unbearable sometimes, but you will get through it. Some days that's harder to believe than others. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think it's great that you are journaling, it really helps work through the rollercoaster of emotions.
Julesx