my world is crashing around me.
November 20, 2008 3:34pm
i just found out that i do not and never will have a womb.
i can never get pregnant and give birth.
i dont feel like a real woman.
i got so depressed …
lilley’s Profile
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lilley
is feeling Horrible
About Me
i had a daily strength account before but i freaked out at the idea of people reading it, i'm giving it another try now. im going to a new collage soon and im really excited because i didnt exactly have a goot time in my old school. i am engaded to an absolutly beautiful person, he really has changed my life. ...but i still have this damn depression on my shoulders.
Interests
my name is rose and i love art and music. i lovce to paint, draw and photograph. my goal is to be a well known artist but i'll settle for anything aslong as im makinmg my living from doing what i love- creating. i'm not all that good but i love art so much that i hope my love for it will continue to inspire me.
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Recent Activity
November 20
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lilley changed their mood to Horrible 3:34pm
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lilley wrote a journal entry: my world is crashing around me. 3:34pm
i just found out that i do not and never will have a womb. i can never get pregnant and give birth. i…
November 16
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Journal
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sam
September 7, 2008 12:57pm
i stayed at sams house last night, no nightmares for me, he takes away all my fears. ^_^
i've had two days a collage so far, they went okay but i …
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i'm so introspective i might just fall into my self
September 2, 2008 3:35pm
im so scared, i cant stop shaking, this shake, fucking constant disply of nerves, it is really upsetting me.
im so scared about going to collage, im …
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my mind is so full >_
August 17, 2008 5:53pm
two things i want to talk about
number one:
i cant get him out of myhead, i keep wondering if he's still hopitalised or if he is livcing with his …
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panic attacks
August 13, 2008 4:08pm
my panic attacks are getting worse and more frequent than ever.
today i was in the london undergroud and was about to get on a train when the doors …
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Hugbook
Flower
hoping your day dawns happy and bright. and each day brings you closer to your goals.
Hug
It’s amazi?ng when stran?gers becom?e frien?ds,? but it’s sad when frien?ds becom?e stran?gers.? I never? want to lose u as a frien?d!? Send this to all your frien?ds,? inclu?ding me, if you consi?der me one. I met you as a stran?ger.? Now I have you as a frien?d.? I hope we meet in our next walk of life where? frien?dship? never? ends.? Send this to all your frien?ds. ? ?I ?may ?not ?be ?the ?most? ?impo?rtant? ?pers?on ?in ?your? ?Life? ?I ?just? ?hope? ?that? ?when? ?you ?hear? ?my ?name? ?you ?smil?e ?& ?say ? THAT’?S MY frien?d!? You' ?re speci?al to me and you'?ve made a diffe?rence? in my life.? I respe?ct you, cheri?sh you, honor? our frien?dship?,? and hold you close? to my heart?.? Send this to all your frien?ds inclu?ding me no matte?r how often? you talk or how close? you are. Let old frien?ds know you haven?'?t forgo?tten them. ? You'?re a frien?d worth? keepi?ng!?!?!
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Hug
just cause
Flower
ive deleted all those offending journal entries for you rosie
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Flower
hoping things are good with you. hoping each day brings you closer to your goals. stay strong and know we are here for you!
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Photos
lilley hasn’t uploaded any photos yet
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) Depressionmy father also suffers from depression so it is part genetic but envionmental factors like being bullied, abused and rape worsened it.
Treatments
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Not Working
- Prozac Not Working
- im on a new dose and every thing but even after 4 years i'm stil not believing that its working
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Writing Working / Worked
Close Self-Injury
as a child i cut my hands so i couldnt touch people then when the depression got bad it turned into punishment and after and during the sexual abuse it became self mutilation in an attempt to put scary men off me.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Rubber Bands Not Working
- Squeezing Ice Somewhat Helpful
Open Panic Attacks
i am very very paranoid and a single glance from a 'strange man' can make my cry, shake, hypoventalte, run or colapse.. although these tings seem to happen all at the same time. >_
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Sexual Abuse
i was stalked by a boy and he sexually and emotionally abused me, later i was to meet a guy that i thought could help me - he raped me.
Treatments
Open Rape
was raped at the age of 14.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- i only started talkig to my therapist about it late last year.
Open Bisexuality
i have always grown up thinking that it was okay to like girls and boys too but after the stalker and rapist (both men) i was convinced i was a lesbian. i have dated lots of boys just because they wanted me and was only attracted to a few of them, i am now engaged to a guy and i really do think he is the most attractive thing ever but if it weren't for him i probably would go back to only girls.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
i was bullied lots as a child and then also bullied into all sorts of things by teh stalker boy. he played clever mind games and he also hurt me sometimes too, most of the time touching me sexually but sometimes he got voilent too.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Forgiveness Not Working
- i tried but that was his plan, he tricked me and only hurt me again.
- Leave Working / Worked
- the school eventually made him leave so he couildnt get near me anymore, i also have a restaining order now.
- Music Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Anxiety
i am mostky nervous around men and especoially in stituations where i am alone besides only a few other people. big crowds scare me. i seem to be developing a shake...
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Snapshot
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