monmonx24's Journal

didn't eat a lot today

but then my teacher gave me a huge bag of snacks from the car wash on sun so i ate like 5 chewy bars,chips, lots of candy/chocolates

so on the long ride to the tennis match and back i ate a lot but i dont feelvery hungry right now so hopefully i wont eat any more tonight

day 2 semi binge free

my first day back on track

the days not over yet but so far ive been keeping myself busy all day and not thinking about food

hopefully this is the start of a binge free period and not just one day of self control

i didn't realize how difficult fighting a compulsive eating disorder really was.  when i first joined it was just b/c i had binged so much and wanted some place where i cud express my feelings and share my experiences. and for about a month i did very well w/ exercise and healthy eating habits. but after that month everything went down hill. i had lost 10 lbs. now ive gained back 7lbs. i saw myself letting go and just letting myself eat everything in sight bc i would think that it's no big deal and that i could just binge maybe today and tomrrow and after that ill get back on tract.. just a few days.. no biggy.. but i was very wrong. 1 day led to another and another and before i realized it.. it had been 2 months of horribly unhealthy eating habits. i noticed that every one of my conversations with pl mentioned how much i had just binged and how tired and sick i felt.  i had so much hw and still i spent 2-4 hrs eating junk. i just gave up and i dont know why. maybe its all the stress but i wish i cud take back these past 2 months. but i know theres nothing i can do about that. i just have to take it as it is and remind myself to not binge and be healthy. dances and coming up. other events. shoppping for a winter wardrobe. i barely fit into my clothes. that might be my biggest motivator. wearing all my beautiful dresses and fancy tops to fancy places. 

well since i just binged about an hr ago.. tomorrow will be my 1st day "back".. hopefully the 1st of  a new series of binge free and exercise oriented days

i hope that tomrrow and can report back w/ positive news and that i can get myself back on track