No answers/ more time wasted
Well we went to childrens hospital. It was a waste of time. This NS was a joke. He told me the Sams headsches were not …
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I haven't written in my journal in a couple days, and I can tell. I need to vent......again! I had a great weekend. My family was in town, we went shopping, went out to dinner and shopped some more. I tried to keep on my "happy face", but I don't think I did a very good job. I had a great time, I had so much fun. I just knew I would pay for it later. When I have a "good" day and keep on my "happy face", the next couple days are miserable!. That sucks! I can't even be normal and have a normal weekend with my family. I know I should be able to show how I really feel, but I don't want to put that burden on other people. My husband is the only one that knows my true colors with this head-pain. Lucky him, huh? He is such an amazing man, I love him so much. He has been so wonderful and supportive through all this. I don't know what I'd do with out him!
On Friday, I was diagnosed with Chiari I by the Chiari Institute in NY. I didn't know how to react. I asked them to repeat it again to make sure I heard them correctly. In a way, I was........not happy, that's the wrong word........but.......something felt better just knowing we found answers. Not knowing what's wrong for 3 years was the most awful feeling. However, now we know I have Chiari with no cure and I am scared to death! We prayed that God would help us find answers, and now I'm asking..............why me?
I'm scared! So scared! I know I am blessed, I have so many things going for me, but I just have so many unanswered questions.
Will I be in pain for the rest of my life?
Will they ever find a cure?
Will I be able to teach until I retire?
Will it get worse? better?
If I have the surgery, will it help?
Will I suffer?
Will I ever be happy and be the person I once was?
Will I ever be able to play sports again, especially soccer and basketball?
Will I ever be normal?
When will I be pain-free?
Will my wonderful marriage last through all of this hardship?
Will my family or friends ever be able to understand what I go through?
Will this horrible nitemare ever end?
I try to think of the positives, but when I feel like crap all day, it's so hard! I know I can get through this. I've been through so much in my short life already. I'm just tired of "being strong" and having to deal with stuff. I'm just trying to enjoy life with this stupid-a** pain.
Wow, I didn't realize how much I needed to get this off my chest! I guess it's good I'm going to my psychologist and PT tomorrow.
As I always say,
I am blessed!
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Just sent you a hug before reading your journal.
There are answers to all of the questions you are asking.
Lets see...You were praying....thats a good start!! My journey has been long and many of the questions you ask here are similar to the questions I asked 2 1/2 years ago. My journey was complicated after my decompression by a second neurological condition. I have made it through. Are things perfect? No. But Has God taken me through it holding me up? Yes.
race121
Hey hun! I kinda know how you feel to a certain extent. But, be thankful that you were able to find out what is wrong. I still have doctors that are telling me there is nothing wrong. I only wish that I could go to the Chiari Institute in NY. But, I am stuck here, to "put on a happy face," and move on. It is tough, but if I can do it, I know YOU can!! I am here for you always. I will say a prayer that you will be comforted so that you can know what step to take next. *Bear Hugs*
squeaker87
Writing it all out is a good way to vent. I thank the Lord to see that there are people here to help and encourage you as you begin to wrap your mind around that which has afflicted you.
Life is about change. Sometimes these changes can at first be frightening. Sort of like the first day of a new semester when you receive all the syllabuses and wonder "how in the world can I do all this?" And yet we always found a way....or most of us did anyway :-)
Somehow, I cannot help but believe that you will get a strong hold on this new deal. Keep praying, writing and venting. It is good for the spirit. God will see you through this, if you let Him.
brkndad
I understand what you're saying about being glad that you have a dx. I've been 2 years and I'm still not sure what my total dx is. Keep praying and keep venting it's the best thing for you. Don't ever give up your faith or hope.
Dawn1955
I have been really starting to beleive that all things happen for a reason, and you were chosen to have this hardship for some reason, I have a feeling that you are a very strong person, and can take hold of this and conquer it, and somehow one day it will make sense to you why, I am not sure what this chiari is, and I so hope that you can go on and do all the things you love to do with it, It probably wont be easy nothing worth while seems to be nowadays.
take care and keep on writing, I find writing things out is good therapy. I am thinking of you and praying for you to have some understanding
manny123