quasar's Journal

july twenty three started the treatment and a few hours after the shot was more sick than i've ever been in my life.   starting wondering if this was worth it?  felt nausea, extreme achey, couldn't walk to the bathroom.  too sick to drink water.   then 5 hrs later things lessened and today, july twenty-four, i'm feeling pretty darn good.   if the horrible sickness only happens one day a week then i can do this.

also doing the louise hay affirmations for the liver: : love peace and joy are what i know...my mind is cleansed and free.  i lovingly release the past and move into the new.  all is well and wonderful....i love in the open space in my heart.  i love for love and find it everywhere.

even though i'm doing this treatment i don't feel afraid to die.  we're on the planet for such a short short time anyway.   if i die  or  years early i really don't care.    i wonder if this attitude is not good for my mental state? 

had a dream the other night.  was walking down a neighborhood street where the lawn was dead and brown and the houses were shambles.  suddenly, a large beautiful female tiger came running out of a house and up to me and asked for food.  i could see she was starving.  her eyes looked liked they'd taken on the pain and suffering of the world.  i wanted to help her but i had no food and when i told her i had no food she turned away and layed down on the lawn to die.  i work up feeling a deep deep sadness.  my heart is still hurting from her pain. 

jung says we are all the characters in our dream so the tiger is me.  i've gotta get my tigerness back.  it's gone.  but how do i do that?  i do i get back my fighting attitude?