RWW19's Journal

Well the last few days I have definitely made some bad choices in the scheme of life and now I am having to deal with the consequences.  I know that in reality nothing I did was that bad and that I should be grateful and just learn from my mistakes and move forward.  BUT of course I am the kind of person who likes to beat themselves up for a while.  Yesterday I met a friend in the evening and literally had 2 drinks-I am not a person who drinks very often at all- maybe once every couple of weeks ad the I will have a glass of wine with dinner.  So I had 2 drinks and had had nothing to eat all day except a bagel at lunch.  I felt ok when I left but did think to myself that maybe I should stop and get something to eat and hang out for a while but I had a 50 minute drive and just wanted to get home-there was my huge mistake, not listening to my own judgement.....  So I did get pulled over , by the nicest officer I could ever ask for by the way.  I passed all the field tests but he still wanted to do a breathalyzer and I guess fortunately for me he didn't have any of the tubes in his car and we had to wait 15 minutes for someone tobring him a tube.  He told me if it came out high that we would have to go back to the station and he would have to get a BAC but if it was low enough he would just make sure I got a ride home.  So eventually someone comes with the tube and it comes out at .07 and in NY .08 is considered a DUI so I was just under but .05 is and over is a DWAI but he agreed not to write me a ticket for that and instead let me call my father and step-mother and gave 2 traffic violations for failing to signal and improper lane change.  I was a wreck because I am not the kind of person who gets into trouble, I am a good person and I do know better than to do something this stupid. One of the things I do have going in my defense is that I have lost 95 pounds since May 2007 and I just don't know how my body metabolizes things or reacts to thngs anymore.  There was a time when I could drink 2 drinks and be ok but apparently that time is long gone......  The officer took a look at my driver's license and he said "this is you?"  becaus the picture looks so different that how I look now. I explained to him that I had lost a lot of weight and I think that also helped my case a little.  But it was so upsetting to have to call my parents to come and get me-although my dad was great-he didn't lecture me at all, he just told me that he knew I was a good person and that he knew that once I made a mistake I never made it again and that he hoped that I had learned a valuable lesson.  Believe me I have.......I just now have to find  way to somehow make peace with this and move on because I feel like a horrible person right now....................