meccalicious's Journal

oh god, im such a loser, i hate myself so bad right now, i just wanna die.  i cant take these episodes anymore, i feel like there killing me, im not that same person that i used to be, i dont even like myself anymore.  i wish i could fall asleep and never wake up. i hate how i could be laughing one minute and the next im slashing at my wrists, i mean whats wrong with me.  why cant i be normal. why cant i be more like my sisters, they have it so good and they dont have any problems, not like mine, in a sense the biggest problem in their lives is me, and my bullshit. and tomarrow is my sisters birthday party and i dont wanna be like this and i cant hide it they always can tell when im trying to keep my composure and im losing the battle. i dont wanna ruin her day, thats all i ever do i ruin everything for everybody, i wish i could just disappear and no one would even notice, it be better for everybody in my life if i wasnt around to fuck everything up, i mean thats what i am in my family, im the fuck up.  apparently thats never gonna change.... and maybe i dont deserve it to....