aqueminibeauty’s Profile

About Me

Well, let's see...I guess my whole life, something's been a little off with me. Always lying, creating drama, trying to get attention..thought suicide threats and attempts were cool when I was 11 and 12. Always way too nice to people, like a doormat. I remember in kindergarden I would give my friends my quarters in hopes that they would like me more. This continued all the way (with larger things than quarters) until just about recently.. Age 15, moved to a small town and I started partying pretty hard and got into all kinds of drugs, alcohol, sex, the whole nine yards. I had so much attention, I didn't know what to do with myself, I was a big fish in a small pond. Fast forward 4 years and severe anxiety rears it's ugly head- I had a little before, but full blown panic attacks started at 19 and life became unbearable. I couldn't leave the house, couldn't talk on the phone, let alone spend time with someone one on one. An everyday battle. A kid with no health insurance or the level headedness to stay with one doctor long enough to be prescribed meds, I got hooked on xanax and bought it off the street and eventually online (illegally). I got so addicted, and when it wouldn't come through, I would go through the worst withdrawls. I swear I came close to seizures at times. On an even more personal note, I lost the love of my life due to my erratic and embarassing behavior. I did so many terrible, ridiculous things that to this day, I still couldn't face him. Or half the people in that small town. I then developed a heavy drinking problem, to the point where I would get the shakes, needing more alcohol, then consuming it and acting even crazier...I gained 55 lbs., I drunk dialed people and said weird things, I got arrested, ruined my credit score being irresponsible and so on. Now, after years of pain and 3 diagnoses later, I have come to accept that I am bipolar. I'm on great medication (abilify and klonopin) and I don't use drugs or even drink alcohol. So I'm on to bigger and better things, but the past haunts me and I'm afraid that a lot of people will never understand why I was the way I was, why I did the things I did. I want to redeem myself and I regret hurting the people I did and burning the bridges I burned. I would love to network with people that have lived through this too. I never thought I would get off my high horse and admit to having a problem, but I do and it's okay. So there it is. This is me now.

Interests

Film, Theatre, Music, Being @ the beach, Astrology, Yoga