lisa927’s Profile

About Me

I certainly don't expect you to read this in full - as it is loooong. BUT, it's my Mom's story and I feel like I want to tell it and honor her. So if you hang in for the whole of it, thanks :) and if your ADD kicks in and you need to leave, that's cool too :) My Mom was diagnosed in August '08 with Uterine cancer after a pap smear was done due to pain she was having. My sister and I sat with her the night she found out and she told us she wanted any and all treatment (radiation/chemo). She was a retired nurse and a strong woman who was enjoying her family and life too much. She was not ready to give in. It was discovered through ultra sound that she had tumors outside uterus as well. She went into hospital Sept. 5th for a complete hysterectomy. In the surgery the Dr. found a large amount of cancer throughout her abdomen that was described as feeling like buckshot (but not IN the organs). The Dr. said that she thought chemo would shrink it. My sister and I planned on helping her through chemo, getting some time with her, helping her through this. She was recovering well enough that they talked about discharge on the weekend, and then things started slipping south. She had dramatic changes occur. She was confused, which was not normal at all. She could not bear weight at all, when she had walked the hall the day before. She was shaky and air hungry. I stayed with her that night and told the nurse the difference I saw. When I helped her to the bathroom I notified the nurse there was blood in her stool. The next day was worse with more weakness, aggitation, hungry for air. Her family (me, my sister, and my aunt - who is also a nurse), continued to tell the hospital staff that a major change had occurred and something was wrong. That day a doctor who popped in to design and discuss her chemo treatment ordered her to be tested for C-Diff, an intestinal infection. They started antibiotics. We continued to point out the changes in her. The next morning I walked in to see my Mom unconsolable, thrashing basically, gasping for air, and telling me to let her go. This is not what had been planned. That day at 3pm they FINALLY took her to the ICU in full Septic shock (brought on by the C-Diff infection). Her organs began shutting down and after two weeks of medicines and dialysis and every imaginable thing they could think of to help her come back, she continued to deteriorate. My sister and I made the absolutely heart breaking decision to take her off the machines and medicines. Her body would not recover - the sepsis and c-diff had ruined her intestines. How can you make a decision like that knowing what's on the other side of it. I knew there was no hope for recovery but that was my Mom and I didn't want her to leave. As soon as she hit the ICU she had been gone to us - there was no more talks, or communication. So we had her one day and the next the slippery slope went so fast that there was no real communication or talking. We had no goodbyes other than Mom saying "honey you have to let me go" in the middle of her agony and pain. She was gone and I didn't even get to tell a person who nurtured me and loved me, goodbye. So, I'm dealing with some guilt - of not yelling louder at the hosp.and of having to make a decision that essestially ended her life. I understand with my head that there was nothing else, but that was horribly painful. I miss her and I don't know how she can not be here. I long to dream about her but don't. So I have three boys missing their awesome grandma. My sister has two small boys who's memory of her is fading a bit and a baby girl that will never know her (except through us). We lost our Dad almost three years ago so we feel completely orphaned. Whew!!! that was theraputic! thanks for lisening. It's a long story but I just wanted to share it.

Interests

I have three boys! Luke, 21; Noah, 12; and Jake 9. They are great and mostly my hobby - along with my great husband (Don). I enjoy getting on my computer (as you can see), movies, music, piano. I work full time, as does Don. I have one sister (Becky), two nephews and a niece.