I wanna get sooo pissed,, forget …
I wanna get sooo pissed,, forget everything,, but it always comes back,, get wacked outta my mind, wake up,,, and its …
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I am trying to hang on but it's not very easy. My depression is back again. I wake up feeling miserable even in the middle of the night. I am up early today. I had been sleeping til' at least 1pm. I am going to try and stay up so I can sleep all through the night. The main thing is what am I going to do to aleviate some of this that I feel. How am I suppose to get through the day? I really don't know. I use to stay online a lot but I don't feel like doing that today. I guess I could read some. Maybe find something on tv which I don't know what I could find that would take my mind off of things. I need to go out and get some paper towels so maybe I'll do that before too long. I don't want to call the people I use to talk to b/c I know that wouldn't be good. I haven't talked to them in so long and I know...if they cared they would be calling me so I won't make that mistake this time. I will talk to the one I ususally talk to even though he is a male and I don't want that sometimes...a lot of the time. I am hoping I will feel better by writing my feelings out. I am just feeling kind of bad right now. If someone did come over to see me I think that would make me so uncomfortable when if I'm feeling better I might would enjoy company depending upon who it is was. No one comes to see me so I don't worry about that too much. No one sees me or calls except for one person which is better than no one. Being depressed makes me feel weak. It makes me feel I have a weak mind and a weak personality which people just step on. That's why I try to protect myself by not letting anyone in my life. It's hard to deal w/ people when I am feeling better and how much harder when I am down. I have never had good people skills anyways. I could never connect w/ people well. I am depressed. Ohhh, I need to get my mind on something else if that's possible. I will try.
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Girl, if you ever need to talk to someone, I've always got an open ear. I usually get online twice a day, in the early afternoons and late at night. I have yahoo IM and a myspace page, which also has IM. I know quite a lot about depression. TOO fucking much. Don't feel like you are alone. This is a good place to be.
LisaLovesReece