Friday, February 29, 2008
I was having so many thoughts of suicide that I was actually pulling out my hair. I got a rash all over my body from …
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Thanks so much for all of you that have shown so much concern for me, ive tried for the past few days to act like i was better because i didnt want to let any of you down or think that your help wasnt helping and its not that it hasnt, im just so sad and depressed, its only been a few weeks since i got out of the hospital from my suicide attempt and im still having bad thoughts, i know its wrong and its not the answer..i know all those things that you would tell me! but thats how bad it is and thats why it scares me so much, im completely alone here, i mean i have my 2 kids but they cant talk with me about whats going on with me, i would give anything to just have someone from here who could be here and be able to talk to me, i was told im being selfish by thinking of suicide again and maybe i am, but im just being honest, i dont want to do it but even if i dont my heart and body cant take much more of this, its just wearing me down!..ive been going threw this for over 30 years! theres only so much your body can take...im so sorry for being like this, i feel like im wasting your time and your energy on me, i think maybe im taking up time that could be used to save someone thats capable of being saved, i just wanted to come and say thank you to all of you who have reached out to me! ive tried and im still trying, i swear i am, just have no strength left !..im sorry!!..you guys are the best!
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trust me, i understand all to well how you are feeling. i am tired of hurting, of being in pain, frustrated, and resentful. sometimes i do just want to die...but ultimately i am too chicken shit. and like my whole life, i would be thinking of others...what it would do to them...never mind that i would finally be at peace. i hate things being so bleak so often. but i try to think of things this way...things can always get better. im still waiting, but i have hope! i hope you can find this as well.
mindy027
I know how you feel. Life can be overwhelming and our past can look downright ridiculous and worthless, but you can find hope just by looking at those two kids of yours. I have a son and a daughter who I've often thought would be 100% better off without me around. I've even convinced myself that I could actually do them more harm than good by staying alive. A friend of mine here on DS told me "that's not you, that's the depression talking" and I think he was right. Whenever I get those feelings like I want to end things completely, I always tell myself to give it one more day...just one more day. There's always hope in a new day, and everything usually looks better; not perfect, but better. Try to do the same...make yourself wait just one more day.
BigDog1
Please know that you have friends on here that care a lot. I care. You can write here anytime you need to and we will understand. I understand because I also have had those same feelings several times these past 3 or 4 weeks of wanting to end my life and actually taking a handful of pills twice. Whatever it is you are going through, you CAN handle it. We are here for you. If one day at a time seems too hard to do than try one hour at a time or even one minute. I know it's hard but get on here and write when you start feeling that way. And talking to a therapist, if you have a good one, does help. I go every week.
lauraa3
don't give up trying you kids need you. i thought about ending my life but, where would my kids go. i am still here for u
motherof4angels
My little sister was the reason I never attempted suicide. Let your little girls do the same for you. I would never want my little sister to grow up having to say that she had two sisters, but one was dead.. because she killed herself. Thats a heavy burden to put on her; just like it would be on your girls. I hope that gives an insight on where I have been. I am here for you.
OctoberSunsets