acar419’s Profile

Close Depression
: Clinical (Major) Depression

I was diagnosed bi-polar at age 18 and now suffer from chronic depression. In the past I have been on everything from Prozac to Zoloft, Seroquel to Lithium, all of which I have developed allergic reactions to. So basically at this point, I am unmedicated because I cannot safely take anything that has ever worked for my depression without sever physical side effects. This latest depression has lasted for 7 months now. (What I wouldn't give for a manic episode.) My doctor believes that I may not have ever been truly bi-polar as much as just suffering from chronic depression and being so ecstatically thrilled when I wasn't depressed that it may have seemed like "manic energy". Either way, after 7 months (the longest straight depression in my life) I am fed up. Every aspect of my life is suffering at this point. My marriage, my relationships with my children as well as how well I am (or am not) able to care for them, my relationships with friends and family...every aspect of my life!!! I am desperate. I am not suicidal (as some doctors have claimed that I am before). Yes, I get to a point of feeling hopeless and want it all to end, but I do not want to die. I know that I have so much to live for. I just wish that I could enjoy my life. I have NO energy, no amount of sleep is enough to feel rested. I cannot seem to even force myself to enjoy anything. I cry at everything, I take everyone's else's emotions and feelings personally. I am NO fun whatsoever to be around. (And I used to be "a blast".) I have been in and out of therapy since I was 10 years old and I have done unbelievable amounts of research on depression and the like, so I understand what's going on with me and I know that there are so many different things that I can do, but with no motivation to do anything (and at this point in time, no more medical coverage and no other way to afford therapy), I feel at a complete loss for options.

Treatments

Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful

I have been in and out of therapy since I was 10 years old. Other than that I have developed allergic reactions to any of the medications that I have ever used that have been helpful. I can usually take a medication for 6 to 8 months and then I develop physical side effects that make it impossible for me to continue taking the medication. The most recent and the last one of the list of availables as of then was wellbutrin. I have taken nearly everything on the lists to the left.