missingmy2children’s Profile

Close Bereavement

I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy on August 31st 2006, our 5th child, and then 4 months and 26 days later our 3rd child died at the age of 9 years and 5 months old of an immunity disease that I found out I'm the carrier of , but didn't find out what it was until 7 months before he died, and due to all of the medications given all of his life he died of liver failure on January 27th, 2007. I have 3 children remaining, but miss the 2 I don't have so much and just want to know why?

Treatments

Crying Working / Worked

I do this quit frequently, and it does seem to help, instead of holding it all in and letting it effect my health.

Getting Angry Somewhat Helpful

I have gone through the anger stage several times, and just when I think it's up I deal with it again. It has caused quite a bit of trouble for me however I tend to say whatever comes to mind, whenever it comes to whoever it comes out to. I have lost several friends and family members, but not due to this , just due to the fact they don't know what to say or how to deal with me and my emotions, so I have been very angry with peoples ignorance and told them so .

Grief Counseling Somewhat Helpful

I saw a counseler for about 5 -6 months and it didn't relly help, it was just a pay check for the man, and really didn't do much for me.

Helping Others Working / Worked

I really belive volunteering ang giving of your time to others definetly helps, I had never done volunteer work until after our children passed away, and then I got involved with organizations that helped us during our sons life and even afterwards that helped in different ways, giving back of my time is one of the things that has helped alot, along with donating toys and other items in their memory for their Birthdays and Christmas etc.. That's the best.

Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful

I try to do some things that I enjoy every now and then, nut also keep in mind that too much buisiness can mean I'm running from my pain, and trying to cover up my feelings,snd I want to grieve and feel this pain, and keeping too busy right after our second child died caused me to have severe panic attacks, so I have learned to slow down.

Music Working / Worked

Sometimes this really works for me and is very healing, other times it absolutely devestates me to hear a somg that we once listened to together, or that was my sons favorite, music is sometimes my friend but alot of times an enemy.

Poetry Too Soon to Tell

I've seen some things that I really enjoyed, but nothing has really helped in this area.

Prayer Not Working

My relationship with God was very strong before I lost my 2 children, and I totally belived in the power of prayer, but after we lost our second child aftera life long battle with a disease my faith and trust in God has changed a whole lot . When I do pray I find myself thinking will he hear me this time or even care and will he ever answer me again.

Psychotherapy Not Working

I saw a psychiatrist who said I have something called panic disease, and he was a joke, I don't have panic disease, I just lost 2 children and none of my symptoms even happened until after the second child died, and I have had some pretty serious things happen in my life that should have caused panic attacks before . To me this was a big joke.

Reading Too Soon to Tell

I ordered a whole lot of books about grief and Heaven and loosing a child, and so far I have been able to find some common belives and same opinions as mine and alot of quotes and poems have been touching and helped, but I seem to forget most of what I read right after I've read it.

Remembering Working / Worked

I have done many things to remember our boys, the most recent was I bought a curio cabinet and displayed some of their special things in it and that mad me feel really good to be able to display their things so everyone who comes over has to see and remeber wether they want to or not, andI also make their birthdays very special with balloon releases and a party at the cemetery where we invite family and friends and have them bring a picture of our son,or a story about him to share with everyone.

Scrapbooking Working / Worked

Oh WOW, I never scrapbooked before our family lost our children, but I have since taken it up and I enjoy it so much, it is a wonderful way of taking pictures and memories of your loved ones , or even paintings, or art work that they have given you and making something wonderful out of it. I love it!

Support from Friends & Family Not Working

We have seen just about every so called friend walk away from us since our losses, I am so sick of people being fake and saying stupid insensitive things, thinking they're helping but really doing more harm, you could say our only support is our friends from the support group we attend. The family has been even worse, no one calls or comes over or writes, I guess their just glad it's not them.

Support Groups Working / Worked

I am part of a group called the MISS Foundation, wich is a support group for parents who have lost a child, it has been huge in my progress since loosing my boys, I look forward to our meeting every month, and I have made some very good life long friends there, when everyone else seems to have disappeared from our lives. I just joined in some online support groups today and will be starting a grief group that runs for 12 weeks starting tomorrow.

Talking Working / Worked

Talking helps me tremendously, talking is something I've always liked to do, and I have always been pretty good with words, and now I love to explain to others how I feel, and whatI go through on a daily/ momentarily basis, even though most of them don't want to hear it. Talking has been my friend in all of this.

Time Working / Worked

Time has been both afriend and an enemy to me, I can definetly say I am in a better place a year and 5 months later following the death of our second child, but I miss them both more and more with each passing day and absolutely can't belive it's been this long since I've seen or touched them or heard their voice or looked into their eyes, I pretty much hate life more and more each day because it's been 1 more day with out them in it .

Close Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

I had gallstones back in 1999, and had to have my gallbladder removed,and that caused my irriitable bowel, and I've been dealing with it everysince, I just had an endoscopy/ colonoscopy done last week, no results yet.