JohnShannon97's Journal

  Well haven't been on here in awhile things have gotten a little better but it is kind of like as long as I keep my mouth shut when she wants to do something that I don't agree with we are fine as soon as I voice my opinion I start to hear well maybe we shouldn't be together or I can't live like this you making me feel like a prisoner.   I think that what I need to do is start to take back control of my life not let the thought of losing her control my every thought and action.  I tell myself don't let her make you feel like you are not a decent person.  All I want is someone who doesn't need attention from every guy in the room.  I want someone who is excited to see me when I haven't seen them all day.  Somebody that when they walk out the door I  don't have to worry who they might be talking to or where they are going and when they will come home.  I like to have fun don't get me wrong but I don't have to spend it in a bar to do so and I don't have to close it down.  My wife and I use to be really good friends and I guess that is what I miss most of all we use to say that we were parttime lovers and fulltime friends and I want that back the sex part is easy.  In fact we still have incredible sex but it definately doesn't feel the same.When you have been with somebody long enough you know when they are putting their heart into and when it is just sex.  I have tried to love the good and bad of my wife and I have always said that it is easy to love the good parts about someone it is loving the crust of a person that is hard.  Sometimes I get negative and think that is all my wife is anymore is crust but obviously this isn't true.  Well I am done rambling.