usualsuspect's Journal

OK, this isn't going to be fancy cuz every time I try hard to come up with clever graphics and dialogue DS always seems to screw me up and somehow the font, color, bold etc. settings never work out right or keep changing. But,the DS cops are about to arrest me for loitering on this page and have sent me 3 notices to publish or perish. To get to the point, they want to know how much I weigh. Now I thought that was a rather personal matter. Perhaps I'm running away a bit, so (well you know the fridge is only 9 feet from my easy chair) I guess(I've been under a lot of stress)  I haven't (my shrink is on vacation) done as well (actually done ANYTHING)as I had hoped. 

                               195#

                           There you have it. No change in months. I blame it all on consoling  myself in regard to Parkinsons problems and general  misery. I am, however, managing to exercise and walk 3-4 miles a day. The problem I get into with that is saying to myself "I can go ahead and have this pastry (or whatever)" now because I'm going to make up for it by jogging (walking /bicycling etc.) later. Somehow that trade-off  doesnt seem so inviting later on when the memory of that taste is gone. But maybe with the hotter days I'll be able to turn the food away more easily. As for now, though, the only way I'm going to fit into those neon blue Speedos is if I tie a bungee to the trunks' waist and leap off the Hancock tower.

                          I went to the clinic the other day. I was late so they rebooked me for two hours later. There is a woods nearby. It had rained lightly in the morning so everything was damp. I started to walk into it. Sumac, poison ivy, bushes, and trees. Ran into a chainlink  fence that i coud pull  up from the bottom. I could hear a tiny stream nearby. I tried to find it  and wandered a little further. More fence, kept searching.  Quiet......serene....peaceful.....no one around......no one around??!!!  NO ONE AROUND?!!

AAackkkKKKK!!!!!!   WHAT IF I SPRAIN AN ANKLE!!   "FREEZE"   or DROP FROM EXHAUSTION?    AM I STILL WITHIN EARSHOT?  .........where's my pillbox.............wheres the cellphone ....when did I last take my pills.........did I tell any one I was going to be out here?  Even 18 months ago these questions would have not botherered me.

     So I made it back and  went in to  see the neuro . I like this guy quite a bit, but sometimes even he..............

           As I was leaving he remarked, 'Actually, I think you're doing quite well."

                        Oh, how so?

                         "Well, many people would have given up  by now."  

                         Say what??!!!

          He said "some", didnt he? He DIDN''T  say "most" did he?  He's got to have said "many." And what was that supposed to mean?  Give up on what? Getting up in the morning? Trying to exercise? Talk to people? getting adequate health care? I'm sure it wasn't meant to be as foreboding as it sounded.

          So,.....I'm off to the pharmacy in my paranoid state.  A young woman clerk went to get my script and when she returned she said "just wait a minute I'll put them in "EasyCaps.". Great. Now there's 2 possibilities here.  She either knew I had no kids at home or she surmised that I had problems opening the bottles. She may have seen me stiff at the pharmacy so this is possible.  She was right about 2 bottles last month. They could have been difficult  for any one, and I was a little clumsy.  

                 Seems strange , though, that when I'm off meds the people for whom I used to hold doors for are now holding them for me.                          

                                                                      :  )

                                                                              dave