m8kuprenee's Journal

I hate this. One day on , one day off. OMG. This is worse than when my mother died 9 years ago. It hurts soooo much. I keep thinking about what he said a few nights ago on the phone. He apologized for some rotten comments he had made last Friday..." I have been hanging out with my co-workers after work , having a few drinks. And I like that, I like having freedom and not having to be told that I have to be home by a certain time..." ( WTF). WOW, I said well that is means of a divorce since that is a single persons thinking. Did he hit his head or something? I said , so basicly you do not want to be a father , do not want to be a husband nor a family, right?  Yeah I guess I do want a divorce? (I Guess?) Anyways, He apologized for that comment and said that isnt what he wanted. (Whatever,he is confused) . I had asked him if he still wanted a divorce, he says we are still going to follow through. He still wants to move into the basement when I am ready. (Not sure when that will be.) I said , maybe in Aug before our son starts school. What if things improve? A divorce is final, I say. No it isn't he says ( he is thinking seperation.) I am not going to garauntee anything, but you never know,he says. Mind games. UGGGGGGhHHH. My emotions are very high today. The mornings and daytime are very hard on me , the evenings are good because I am with my kids playing games. I fall asleep with a sleeping pill aid.  And sometimes that doesnt even help. Another day , another day. I just need to get through another day.