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So, I made a goal to stop talking to John. Because all he does to me is make me feel like shit. So, Idk. I still think …
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11:48 pm
Another night by myself. :(
He left to go see her, because she told him this afternoon that she had time to see him tonight. She says something and he jumps. I wonder if she told him to jump of a bridge and kill himself if he would do that as well! He seems to be doing everything else she tells him to.
I was up all last night. I just couldn't sleep at all. I'm now up for almost 48 hours and I can slowly starting to feel my body giving in to the exhaustion. Thank god, because I need some sleep!
The days are usually ok, because I'm just so busy at work, that all my doubts and fears don't have a chance to continously pop in my head. The evenings have been ok I guess. I'm not crying as often as I used to. He's actually been treating me like a person still (ever since I went off on him!)
The other night we actually had a blast, we were playing around, bullshitting, joking around, like in old times. This gives me hope that we might be able to stay friends. I know it will be a long road..especially for me, but just maybe we might be able to do it. At least that way he would still be a part of my life.
I love him more then life itself, and I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me, but right now it just hurts so bad.
I quit my individual counseling, it wasn't doing anything for me. I continous to talk to my son's counselor and that seems to be helping me more then with my own one. :(
He's been working real hard on keeping his word whenever he tells me he's going to do something, unlike the last few months since he dropped the bombshell. Because I told him, how can we be friends, if I can't trust you to keep your word?? So he's been working real hard at keeping them!
I'm just still so confused about what he really wants and where I stand. He still acts like he is still in love with me half the time. Like tonight. He texted me that he made it to her house ok, because he knows I worry about him getting in an accident. I tried to make it sound like I wasn't hurting as much as I really was so I just texted him ...have fun....and he texted me back....thanks I'll try..luv you night ....
Why does he keep doing that? Doesn't he realize how much that confuses the heck out of me? Or is it that he himself doesn't really know what he wants right now?
Another night by myself. :(
He left to go see her, because she told him this afternoon that she had time to see him tonight. She says something and he jumps. I wonder if she told him to jump of a bridge and kill himself if he would do that as well! He seems to be doing everything else she tells him to.
I was up all last night. I just couldn't sleep at all. I'm now up for almost 48 hours and I can slowly starting to feel my body giving in to the exhaustion. Thank god, because I need some sleep!
The days are usually ok, because I'm just so busy at work, that all my doubts and fears don't have a chance to continously pop in my head. The evenings have been ok I guess. I'm not crying as often as I used to. He's actually been treating me like a person still (ever since I went off on him!)
The other night we actually had a blast, we were playing around, bullshitting, joking around, like in old times. This gives me hope that we might be able to stay friends. I know it will be a long road..especially for me, but just maybe we might be able to do it. At least that way he would still be a part of my life.
I love him more then life itself, and I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me, but right now it just hurts so bad.
I quit my individual counseling, it wasn't doing anything for me. I continous to talk to my son's counselor and that seems to be helping me more then with my own one. :(
He's been working real hard on keeping his word whenever he tells me he's going to do something, unlike the last few months since he dropped the bombshell. Because I told him, how can we be friends, if I can't trust you to keep your word?? So he's been working real hard at keeping them!
I'm just still so confused about what he really wants and where I stand. He still acts like he is still in love with me half the time. Like tonight. He texted me that he made it to her house ok, because he knows I worry about him getting in an accident. I tried to make it sound like I wasn't hurting as much as I really was so I just texted him ...have fun....and he texted me back....thanks I'll try..luv you night ....
Why does he keep doing that? Doesn't he realize how much that confuses the heck out of me? Or is it that he himself doesn't really know what he wants right now?
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I understand your confusion. Why say he loves you like that? Why in the world go to another woman's house and say it like it isn't a big deal. That is very confusing!!
heartbroken73