d44844484's Journal

Well, not much more to know after court today. I can still not contact my wife or be in the home. Next court date.....August 26?!?!?!?! WTF!!!!!!! Now I get to improve myself, which is the most important thing, through marriage counseling and alcohol counseling/treatment and still not know if my wife will be there for me when all is said and done. The relief of the court appearance being over has me sitting taller than I have in recent days. My wife has yet to file for divorce. But now I still have to wonder if she is. Regardless, I know that I can't concentrate on that too much. I have to better myself and fix my problems. You would think she would want to go to marriage counseling too, by herself as I have. Well, I can't worry about her, just me.

I HAVE VISITATION!!!!! That is so wonderful. I will see them in one hour!!!!!! I am trying not to let sthe emotion of seeing them get to me too much. I know being around them, I must show strength. I can't make it a sad time together, but an outstanding time. I get them 6pm the day before my first day off of the week and she is to pick them up at 9pm at the end of my days off. My parents are also to continue their daily care while she works and when I get off at 3pm I can get to my parents when I get off and get bonus time with them. That should be at least 4 times a week.

My wife called my parents after court and on top of asking what time she should drop them off which was determined already (3pm was the agreement because this was already into my one day off and tomorrow is my 2nd), she also said she can pick up a shift tomorrow so, get this, "IF WE WANTED THEM TO SPEND THE NIGHT TONIGHT, THEY COULD AND SHE CAN PICK THEM UP TOMORROW." WTF? Was she not in court? That is the visitation order!!!!! What did she mean if we wanted, they could spend the night? I was so frustrated when I heard this message playing on their answering machine! I couldn't believe it.

Anyways, I am taking this one day at a time and one step. She has not yet filed for divorce, so that is all I can hold on to. I get to see my son and my daughter. Financially, which she get me on the streets, I don't care about the money.... I thought I did ok. Pretty much what I could afford and what I was planning on giving or paying through this anyway. But that doesn't matter.

So I still have no idea what her plans are. Divorce being imminent or giving me a chance to prove myself. Regardless I won't fail that. With or without her, I need to get bettter for me. Of course my kids too, but if I don't do it for me, it won't happen. Just kind of wish she would go back to the counselor too. She should, at least for herself.

Kind of sucks I have a counseling session in the middle of the day tomorrow while I have my kids, but I hope they understand I have to leave for a while.

Well, here is to living one day at a time....... only being able to imrove me. Gotta go, I got a play date.