AllGrownUp's Journal

I think I figured something out today.  I think one of the main reasons I've been having such a hard time dealing with this break-up, is the fact that the Ex has seemed to have so little trouble with it.  Even in the beginning, right after I moved out, he told me he was relieved that I was gone.  He has treated me like I meant nothing, like the past 15 yrs never even happened.  He's been so cold to me.

I do miss him.  There are things about him that I miss.  I miss having someone around.  I miss hearing his breathing in the bed at night.  I miss having a family.  But, I think it's not so much him that I miss.  I don't miss his treatment of me.  I don't miss how bad he made me feel.  I don't miss always feeling guilty about things.  I think I miss the idea of him.

I have started the grieving process.  I have, in a sense, "lost my husband".  I have lost my family.  I know there will be times when I'm feeling down.  He has hurt me, really bad.  But, deep down, I know that I am better off without him.  Better days are ahead, someday.