k2912p's Journal

Today, I found out that I potentially have a blood sugar problem - either pre-diabetes, or already diabetic.

The thing is, that this could have been prevented. i knew the right things to do - diet, excercise, limit refined sugars, sodas, etc. I knew that this could happen. I KNEW that I had a higher risk of developing this because of my history of gestational diabetes. What a stupid IDIOT I have been!!!!!!!! WHY didn't I do the things I was supposed to do?!?

Even MORE stupid.... I do this for a living! I work for a doctor, and I have to educate patients on this very thing, and I woudn't take my own advice. I am so mad at myself, and yet curious at the same time. What is it in our personalities that stops us from making the changes necessary to ensure that we live on? Why do we continually make decisions that we know are harmful? When do we finally wake up and say, "Wait a minute! This is not a good thing!" What if this never happens, and we continue to make the wrong decisions?

I've seem first hand the results of making the wrong decisions. This alone should make me realize that the path I'm headed down is very bad, and very dangerous. But still, I crave the foods that I know that I can't have. I want them, and feel that I need them. I know that I don't. I want to know if this will ever get easier, or if I will always feel this way. Will I ever be able to pass a fast food restuarant without craving my favorite meal? Will I ever be able to go and get my kids a treat without indulging myself? How can I reaise healthy, happy kids, without being healthy myself?

If anyone has these  answers, I wouldn't mind hearing them!