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June 22, 2008 2:25pm
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lostinaz42’s Profile
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lostinaz42
is feeling Horrible
About Me
I'm 34 and starting a new life in a new state. things are a little crazy but I'm sure that will change, I'm looking forward to a lot crazy soon. I was an artist in a former life and then became a software developer. that got to be to much uptight life style so i have started to try and become an artist again.
Interests
Art, photography, life, movies, music, design.
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI suffer from manic depression, our at least i suffer from the non-manic side of it. The manic side is fun so no real sufering there. I at times cant see the high i get stuck in the Vally of the sadness all and lose sight of the transient nature of the feelings.
Treatments
- Meditation Working / Worked
- This is helping alot. i am finding the balance between the mania and the mellow down side. i am working to find the right swing between up and down so i dont get so high or crash so low.
- Paxil Not Working
- I didnt do well with paxil. it caused me to baseline at a very mellow state which seemed to steal away all my creativity and joy. i wasn't sad but i also wasn't happy.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Yea so if i think happy i am happy. right?
- Prozac Not Working
- This mad me very very sad all the time. i had not been so close to killing myself as when i had this in my body.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- I always find myself in a contest when im with a counlser. Some part of me wants to prove to myself and the counlser that im OK and that i dont need to be there. Its like if i can fool them then im ok and there isnt anything wrong.
- Writing Working / Worked
- Thsi works at times but it gets hard to do sometimes
- Art Working / Worked
- I have started to draw my pain and my happy. This at the very least gets the feelings on paper and in a visual form i can work with.
Close Healthy Relationships
This sounds like its from a soap opera. my wife left me 8 months ago for another woman. i know thats cliche but hey if i didn't live in a soap opera who would? we spent months apart and then decided to get back together. we are now living together and spending time as a married couple but there is a huge wall between us and so many things we have to dance around. it seems i am not allowed to have issues with her having left without her getting upset and saying that coming back was a mistake
Treatments
- Patience Working / Worked
- This is the only option i have
- Talking Somewhat Helpful
- the trick is to find the landmines and never NEVER go near them. so there is talking and talking openly, i have to go with teh first option for now.
- Writing Working / Worked
- If you put it on paper you can see how really crazy some of this really is.
Open Bisexuality
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