pattih1's Journal

Thurs. July 3rd Mood

Saturday, July 5, 2008 | A Call For Help story

It is now Sat. July 5 th 2:51 pm woke up about a hour ago went gambling Thurs. night or should I say Fri. morning at about 1:30 am. stayed at the Casino til 1:30 pm. Fri morning the 4th of July.Slept all through the 4th and it is already the 5th, missed 2 days of time off work and I am so depressed & feel I have not only wasted another week end but my life the last 15 years gambling & losing everything I feel like a drug addict living in a fogg and not knowing what to do.My husband also has a problem with gambling & I love him so much and we are wasting our life's away & don't spend any quality time together all we do is work & gamble ( what a Waste ) I know I need to go to treatment I should have gone month ago at least one of us would be on track but he keeps saying things will get better if we stay away from the Casino & we promise each other we will but it never happens. Also we think we need my money from my job to catch up on bills yet we still spend it on gambling so we are going nowhere. I hate my life & many times think of ending it but I know it would destroy my daughter, I can't go on like this it is like living in HELL I need to go to treatment I am so close to suicide and I am not afraid to die because I am really not living right now and things will never change.

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((((Patti)))) I am so sorry you are feeling so bad right now. This is what being in the vicious cycle of gambling does to us. You are in a fog right now and you need time away from gambling to allow your brain to begin thinking clearly. You CANNOT end your life. This is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you really feel as though you might hurt yourself, call 911 right now so you can be somewhere safe. You CANNOT do this to your daughter! There is a wonderful gambling treatment center here in Minnesota, it is in Granite Falls. I know many people who have gone through treatment there and it has saved their lives. Call the GA hotline number or the problem gambler line and they will get you in touch with them. You CAN recover from this...it won't be easy and you will have to work hard at it, but it CAN be done.
Hugs Julie

searchingfor
Julie thanks for your support I am new on this site so I don't know if I am writing to you in this comment box or myself,please let me know if you get this also where are you in MN.?? thanks Patti

pattih1
It's a really hard road to recovery but today you are on it. I know it feels like you are doing a do over - over and over again but that is also ok.
Giving up is giving up on quitting.
Being a compulsive gambler is like drug addiction. There is the very strong pull to go and the pull to stay until the last $$ is spent - insanity. But there is also hope. Hope with a plan of action works. You need support, you need to be connected. This is vital. You have started that connection today with writing your thoughts here - I know if you continue to do this as you work on recovery you will find this helpful. Here we are gamblers - in recovery helping each other. GA is also another good option if you can get there. Hugs to you and welcome back. Suzi

Auzgurl
Patti, I can understand being where you are, as I think many of us here can....we've been in the depths of despair, the throws of hell that this addiction forces upon you. There is hope, there is life after gambling. Each day you have a choice, to gamble or to not gamble, its a conscious decision that we must make each and every day. We get thru this one day at a time, 5 minutes at a time, what ever it takes to get thru, just for today without gambling. we are addicts, and gambling IS our drug of choice, but this addiction can be beaten..there is no cure, but by walking the road of recovery, there is life after gambling. There is no cure, but there is life. Please call your local crisis line, call your local GA hotline for meeting locations, come here and journal, as many times a day as you need to...we are all here for you!
Recovery isn't easy, but it is the best, hardest thing you will ever do for yourself..its the fight of your life, FOR your life, and we are all here to walk this road beside, behind and with you all the way.
love and hugs
Danya

Makmarie
Hello Patti...sending you new friend hugs...and even though you are feeling so low right now...I am congratulating you for coming here...you are no longer alone with this anymore. You now have people to share this struggle with. We kNOW. We UNDERSTAND. We DON'T JUDGE...

For me, this site has made all the difference.

It is harder when your partner gambles as welll...my ex bf never stopped...but I did.

It is Sooooooo worth it!!!!

You must understand that for most of us, "hitting bottom" is a necessary thing in order to quit.

Somehow, for me, it had to hurt more to keep gambling than to quit.

The key things in my recovery...have been to come here muliple times per day, for as much support and fellowship as I need....and to really, really understand "one day at a time".

In the beginning, it was too much for me to think I could quit gambling forever...but...just for TODAY...I will not gamble..and now 6 mos. has passed.

I still have a long way to go...but Even
with the end of my relationship...my life is still a better place.

Together...we can do this....hugs,Dianne

DianneE