princessdq's Journal

OK so i truely believe i have totally hit rock bottom! i almost died last night! i was just doing my normal thing throwing up my dinner. then i fainted on the tile floor and was found by my sister she took me to the hospital! my blood pressure was so low (below 40 i think they said)and i barely had a pulse ant more! i was out 4 about an hour while they got me stablizied. i just realized this..... there is something wrong!! there really is maybe i am too skinny? and i do need food its essential to our lives. i am 4 now wanting some sort of recovery. im not sure whats it is like but its worth a try? my sis enrolled me into a E.D. recovery program at the hospital im gona do out patient therapy 4 a while! im kind of excited and scared! but its some thing i gota do so i can live my life to the fullest!! i now am required to eat 6 small healthy meals. im doing it thru the tube because i cant eat i want to but cant make my self do it. so im gona try to do it iver the weekend... at least a couple bites.... and no purging!! i now its gona be hard but i gota do it 4 me!!!! i also have my heart monitor on at all times so ppl know if i purge or if my heary goes wack or something! idk lol but im on the long bumpy,muddy, curvy road to recovery and the part that scares me the most is i have to gain over 50 pounds!! that is ALOT of weight!!! it freaks me out so much but i gota do it!! i knoe i can. well wish me luck.

                      love ya all lots!