rickeyandkevinsmomma's Journal

Today I got my IRS stimulus check for $900. It was supposed to be $1200 but they didn't add my husband for some reason. So we called & they are supposed to be working on fixing it. But that's fine with me... it's still $900!!! Rickey (my husband) is at the GI doctor right now.. he has had terrible heartburn & constant diarrhea for almost 4 months now so they are checking him for ulcers & other things. When he gets home I am going to Walmart and cashing my check!! I am going to buy myself an outfit, and my kids some new clothes! Then I am going to pay my cell phone bill and save the rest. But me and my babies deserve some new clothes!! :) For one because I've lost so much weight and need some clothes that aren't falling off.. I am so proud of myself!! Everyone else can tell too, if they haven't seen me in awhile and see me they say WOW you have lost a lot of weight! I just smile and nod but it still sounds great to hear that people have noticed... It feels great, I can breathe better and wake up more rested. I think it's great :)

I've been watching The Closer reruns all day they are having a marathon on TNT I love that show! I love all law enforcement shows pretty much. I am in a good mood today. One of my best friends turned 26 today... on my birthday I will turn 24.. wow we are getting old!! I seem so much older since I have been sick since I was 20. I know my body feels the pain too with all the scars, surgeries and probing I have done all the time!! But I am just thankful to be Alive!!! One thing my husband and I have talked about lately is that I am going to have One more baby and then get my tubes tied. I think we are going to start after all my kidney surgeries and recoveries. I want a little girl so BAD!! I am so scared I won't ever have one and I only have one more chance.. I know it's a 50-50 chance every pregnancy, but I have always dreamed of having a daughter! I just am not ready to hear that I will never have one! Yes I have two beautiful God daughters who I can take care of, spoil, and love any time I want but it's still not the same. I love my god daughters so much, but I still want a daughter of my own!! I think it's most girls dream to have one girl and one boy. I mean.. don't get me wrong I am SO thankful for the kids I have, I love them with every inch of my being! I would not trade them for anything in the WORLD and I thank the Lord that they are MINE and that they are healthy and thriving. But I do wish for a girl also. I just don't want the next sonogram to say BOY!! But if it does.. I will live with it! I will love my boys and just deal with the fact that the Man upstairs didn't put it in my plan to have a Daughter! I just want to have all my kids before I'm 30 and then I'm done. I want to be young and grow up with them and love them and be there for them always. I want to always GO TO THE DOCTOR AND KNOW ABOUT MY HEALTH.. I don't ever want to just up and leave them like my dad did us! I know it wasn't intentional but all in the same... I don't want to die young like he did! I don't want my babies to hurt like I did!! I don't wish that pain on my worst enemy!!!

Really I am just excited about finally getting all my surgeries and procedures done so I can return to work!! I never thought I'd miss it sooo much but I do. I've been there over 2 years and the people I work with are like my family!! I don't know if this makes sense but going to work was kind of my "safe place".. my place I could go and still be myself and not have to worry about anything, ya know? I dunno.. the only thing that sucks about it is that when I go back to work I will most def. lose my Medicaid because I make too much money to keep it. I will have to go back on work insurance which SUCKS.. because they don't cover anything i need!! So I'll have to get some kind of different insurance I guess... Any suggestions?!??

Anyway.. I can't wait to go shopping!! It's my release. I think part of my Bipolar too. I have to spend money when I get a big chunk of it! Even when I dont need to spend a penny! But right now it's fine because we really need some new additions to our wardrobes as we've all changed sizes!!!

I will talk to you guys later..

:):):)