carasmom's Journal

Hi,


OK... first I want to tell you I often copy letters I write and put them in my journal... Its kind of a round robin thing... I recommend this as it gives us a chance to help many. We're all so lonely and hurting... So many people just want us to get over it... (boy when I say this I get such a strong wave of Rhett Butler I'm surprised I don't grow a mustache).

Different people handle things differently... Now Tyra is trying to take over my mind... SO WHAT! I don't know if you watch Tyra but she's starting a so what movement and I love it.

I want to help you remember all the roles your loved one plays in your life. I said plays on purpose. They are with you right now helping you share with friends and family.

The friend I wrote this letter to is divorced. They are good to each other and that is so wonderful. I believe this gift to your children and all of your friends and family is priceless.

When my parents divorced it wasn't like that... They divorced when I was 5 and it was very bitter. I couldn't do one darn thing about what they chose to do... and I honestly resented them making me feel like I couldn't say any thing nice about the absent parent...

I forgive them but I'm glad although it took me till I was 20, that I finally told them I wasn't going to play that stupid game any longer. I told them both that the way I had decided to handle it was to say I had 2 moms and 2 dads and that I was just luckier than most people...

When my dad and stepmom divorced just a few years after my declaration of imdependence they handled it much better. I hope maybe what I had said had a hand in it... No matter what they gave our family a priceless treasure.

I joined this grief share site and every day for one year they will send me a message to help me in my grieving and healing process. Some days it is so on target...

One of the things that I will never forget talked about how when a loved one passes you will grieve many losses... first of course its the loss of the earthly presence of your loved one... you also lost the earthly roles that person played in your life... They give a suggested list, i.e. Your son, daughter, spouse, friend, companion, comforter... all kinds of things...

Only you can list those although a list is helpful to get you started... the roles your loved one has in your life were uniquely yours and his/hers...

When I read that days grief share message oh how I cried... but then I made my own list... I cried some more... and then I smiled... I am so grateful for everything Cara was and is in my life... I can't put it into words.

As you can see I'm a talker whether its writing or talking... Not the best thing... sometimes people need a listener... That's the beauty of this format... when you feel like responding... pour your heart out... It is as good to give as it is to receive.

Richard and I have both been a bit down since our return from Oklahoma this past Saturday... He had a terrible sinus infection and I had a secondary infection caused by the antibiotics I was taking... We're both much improved and we enjoyed a few extra naps.

He went back to work today and I have to go to the drug store in a bit and pick up some lancets for Richard to keep his blood sugar levels checked.

I'm planning an easy supper. Hot dogs with chilli and coleslaw on them... I'm going to make a banana pudding for Richard. That's probably his favorite dessert.

So what about you??? Hope you had a good day. Either way drop me a line when you get a chance. It does us good to have someone to listen whether we're raining or shining.
Hugs Elissa

P S... I like the upbeat sound of my letter... I'm really working hard on grieving as I need to but also understanding that there are many other roles I play in life.

I am and always will be Cara's mom... I'm also John's mom, my grandkids grandma, my husband's wife, a friend who has found so many precious friends...

One of my primary goals is to celebrate my daughter's life both earthly and heavenly by growing... I'm joining the army... going to be all I can be... uh the regular army... they don't want me... LOL... I mean God's army... the human army... Much Love To You and Yours