cath's Journal

Dreaming..... Mood

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 | A Sad story

I dreamt about my mother last night. I don't remember much except that she was sitting in a wheelchair and she had her Alzheimer's. Like it was at the end. But for some reason, she had that blissfully unaware Alzheimer's. The blank look, empty smile. Not the agitated, anxious, upset Alzheimer's that my mom had. I got to hug her. I buried my head into her chest (like I did as I child) and hugged her tight. And she hugged me back.

I woke up completely schizo.... happy that I got to hug my mom again, sad that she had Alzheimer's in the dream.

I don't know what brought up the dream.... except I have been a bit blue lately that my baby is turning 1 soon (2nd daughter turns 4 in 2 days, but it feels like she's been 4 for a while...so not as 'traumatic') and realizing again and again that my mom never got to hold her.

I was hiking by myself the other day and I started to think about one of the 1st birthday traditions we do for our girls. We have a jewish naming ceremony (husband is Jewish) and when I thought about the rabbi saying her full name "Devon Helena Leaf" and explaining that her middle name was chosen to honor my mother (Helen)....I burst into tears. So there I am, hiking up a mountain alone, crying. Like a crazy person.

But I got to hug her again last night. I am going to try to hold on to the good.... and that was good.

Hug cath

Send to a Friend

Comments

Cath-I get these dreams about once every couple years...hold on to them. Happy BDAY to the girls.

DrJeremy
Awe, I have many dreams about my mom. Very much in the same fashion too. It's so interesting how dreams are a way to confront and find peace in the struggles that part us from our loved ones, especially our mothers. I particularly related to your crying alone like a crazy person. If it's any consolation, I have been that crazy person too and though we're not together being crazy, you're not alone either.

Ash
Im glad you got to hug her again
Sharon

DrOrrange
Isn't it great when they come back to visit? Remember last summer when my (dead) father re-routed my trip of the turnpike to the town where he grew up, and literally lead me up to the gates of his high school? I believe 100% that those things are no coincidence, so your mom knew you needed a hug. Moms know that stuff.

Lee