ndbound2020’s Profile

About Me

Carlos was my best friend and the love of my life. We had been together for 9 years, married for almost 4 years when he died in my arms on May 2, 2008. He wasn't pronounced until 12:38 am on May 3 when they finally decided they couldn't revive him at the ER. Carlos had worked all day at his construction job - he was a carpenter - he called me after work and told me he was going to go to a friend's house to help him paint. No problem, I told him - I had a few things to do - grocery shopping, etc, and I'd see him later. I bought us a couple of really nice strip steaks and asparagus - when he got home at almost 9:00 I lit the fire on the grill and he cracked open a beer, then another. He liked his beer! When dinner was ready I opened a bottle of wine. We were celebrating our independence that night. Carlos had full custody of his three girls when I met him. His 16-year-old daughter would be spending the summer with her mother. His other two daughters had already moved out. My 21-year-old daughter had just moved to Baltimore the prior weekend, and this was the first time in our 9 years together we were looking forward to JUST BEING US. Not too long after dinner Carlos pulled out a little 1/4 of a joint - something neither of had done together in the entire time we'd been together. He knew it was something I'd done when I was in my 20's though, and he thought it would be fun. We each had two puffs and we were done! A short while later he went upstairs and took some Tums, then came downstairs and said he just didn't feel right. He always had heartburn, so I didn't think much of it. In a matter of about 30 seconds though, he was sitting on the edge of the sofa and just keeled over. I got him on the floor and started CPR and called 911, but he was already gone. He never did open his eyes again. I have since found out that he was doing cocaine that day with his "friend", and the amount he'd done mixed with the alcohol he'd consumed was lethal. Since I got the ME report, his family has turned their backs on me - they are SURE that I had to know he was doing drugs. There wasn't enough THC in his system to even register in the toxicology report, so they think I'm lying about what we were doing. That's the only thing I knew about. How could they think that I wouldn't have told the EMTs about cocaine in an effort to save my husband? I am now alone except for my cats. I want my old life back.

Interests

gardening, cooking, wine, cats, old movies, country music, line dancing